i need to do something
but i'm too tired to move
i need to scream
i need to rip something
but there's a weight sitting on me
i cant move
it's hot
i need air
i need to burn something
i need a gun
but i'm being held down
someone is sitting on my chest
someone is holding me to my bed
someone has stolen my energy
and my brain won't shut up
she's making me write this poem to distract herself from how much she wishes i was dead
and how disappointed she is that it didn't work the first five tries
there's a tv in my brain
and i lost the remote
she's stuck re-watching my worse moments
my rock bottoms, my rock bottoms of rock bottoms
times when it was the worst it could get, and then it got worse
times when i believed being dead was the only way out
times when i would fantasize about my suicide note, my funeral, what people would say and think when i finally did it
when i finally succeeded
when i was finally dead
i don't want to feel this way
i don't want to wake up in a bad mood
to wake up sad
to wake up guilty
to wake up scared
i want to wake up
and wake up the next day
and wake up happy
full of energy
full of life
i want to be happy
more than i have ever wanted anything
i hope
that one day i will wake up happy to still be here
YOU ARE READING
the night the stars fell - poetry collection
PoesiePLEASE READ THE CONTENT WARNINGS this poetry collection includes themes and descriptions of: sexual violence/assault/harassment PTSD hallucinations depression anxiety self harm disordered eating in my experience feeling seen through works of writ...
