160lbs
instant coffee,
no sugar,
and almond milk.
that was the recipe for anorexia.
calorie counting diaries decorate my bookshelf
900 calories
black coffee replacing meals
5 calories
no fat
no sugar
1 carb
an appetite supresor and laxative
nothing would keep
all i drank would pass straight through me
but i could feel my meals sitting in my stomach
taunting me
"you're fat
you're ugly
no one likes you
everyone is lying to you
you're disgusting"
and though i tried so hard i could never make myself vomit
as hard as i would press
as far as i would reach
i'd end crying in toilet bowl
im such a failure i can't even purge
500 calories
1 meal a day
9 hours of volleyball a week
5 cups of coffee
mirrors covered
tags ripped off clothes
i hated myself
130lbs
everyone loves me now
"you're much skinnier. you look so much better"
fainting
falling
weak
i can't stand
im in pain
im cold
im tired
my hair is falling out
"i've always had a crush on you"
flirting
begging
boys pay attention to me now?
im so close
30lbs to go
my parents were so happy
the doctors were so happy
i wasn't happy
i loved being skinny
but i hated myself more then than i do now
i gained it all back after getting assaulted
i became so depressed i didn't move anymore
and i starting eating again
i no longer cared about how i looked
my body is so disgusting
she's impure. damaged. gross. used. a whore.
mirrors still covered
blind weighs
tags ripped off
and one day i hope to love you
but i'm so embarrassed of myself i can't even say the three letter "f" word
i can't let it be real
YOU ARE READING
the night the stars fell - poetry collection
PoésiePLEASE READ THE CONTENT WARNINGS this poetry collection includes themes and descriptions of: sexual violence/assault/harassment PTSD hallucinations depression anxiety self harm disordered eating in my experience feeling seen through works of writ...
