i love you

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i love you,
because you love me,
because i've gotten so accustomed to the love bombing that i can't leave you,
because i need you to tell me i'm beautiful,
because i can't say it to myself.

and i love you,
but now you only love me at night,
and i don't hear love bombs explode anymore;
all i hear is text bubbles and pleading,
and i always give in,
even though i hate it,
because i love you.

and i love you because i hate me.
i haven't used mirrors for years,
but for you i'll pose,
and i'll be uncomfortable,
and i'll cry,
and i'll hate it,
because you want me naked,
and i'll suffer for you.

and i love you,
through text messages.
i haven't seen your face in a while,
but your words,
so beautifully kind,
words i never hear—feelings i've never felt.
i have no autonomy in this love,
but i'm yours. and i listen well.

and i love you even with what u ask me,
even when i feel disgusting,
even when i'm embarrassed,
when i'm sick,
when i'm tired,
even when you're horny while i'm sad.
but i thought u loved me,
so i said yes.

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