second nature

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it's too easy for my mind to resort to wanting to die. but that emotion was never true. i never wanted to die. sure i think i believe i'll be happier if im dead, but for the sole reason that death absolves pain. what i truly want is a painless existence. my forever goal will be to be happy to be. i don't want to feel like the only way out is to give up, i want to be able to envision a future past what i'm currently feeling. 

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