Wolfstar oneshots

monster

This chapter has child death in it, read with caution 

word count: 642

Remus had never told anyone what happened that night before, it was the 8th of September, his first full moon in that muggle care home. They didn't know what he was, how could they? They didn't know he was dangerous, they didn't know he was a monster. 

"Sirius... Are you sure you want to know?" Remus asked a final time. 

"Yes. What happened? Please Rem, you have nightmares every month, you wake up screaming and crying, I need to know what happened to you." Sirius said softly taking his boyfriend's hand. 

"Okay..." Remus said quietly "His name was Samuel, he was a muggle boy, and he was lovely. He was my only friend in that place, the other kids teased me for my scars, he said they were cool." Remus smiled fondly at the memory but hs face turned sour within seconds. 

"It was my first full moon there, they were all muggles, I tried to tell the owner but she told me I was being silly, that it was just my imagination. Werewolves don't exist. I tried to leave the building, they wouldn't let me, I asked to be locked away somewhere that night but they kept putting me to bed in the boys room. I don't remember much, bits and pieces. But when I woke up, I was in a cage... and Samuel..." he trailed off. 

"Oh my god..." Sirius whispered, immediately understanding. 

"I didn't mean it, I wasn't myself I... I wish it had been me." Remus spoke, tears beginning to fall "they called me a murderer, sent me to a mental hospital, but when they saw nothing wrong they let me go back... The next full moon when I begged to be locked away they happily obeyed. They chained me in the basement of the home by my neck, the metal was sharp, it cut me every month." Remus said, lifting his head up slightly to show Sirius the scars which covered his throat. 

"But it meant I wasn't dangerous... It was merciful, I deserved every cut, every scratch, every taunt and insult, for what I did to Samuel, I deserved all of it." Remus finished quietly, tears coating his cheeks. 

"Rem... Look at me." Sirius said gently, and Remus did. 

"You aren't a monster." He said, staring into Remus' eyes to try and show him that he meant it.

"I killed him, Sirius... He was a fucking kid and I killed him." Remus said through sobs. 

"You were a kid too, Remus. You're a good person, I know you are. You're no more of a monster than I am." Sirius tried to comfort the werewolf who had tears streaming down his face and dripping down on to his jeans and shirt. 

"Sirius..." Remus tried to speak but the words couldn't form, so Sirius simply took his boyfriend in his arms, holding him to let him know that he wasn't alone. 

"Sirius, what if that happens to you? Or Peter, or James? I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you..." Remus sobbed. 

"Hey, we can take care of ourselves okay? You don't need to worry about us, we'll be fine." Sirius reassured him, but they both knew that there was no guarantee it wouldn't happen again. 

"The worst part is I remember some of it... Just vaguely, but in my dreams I see myself... It's horrible..." Remus said softly. 

"I know, Rem. I wish I could make it stop, you know I would stop at nothing to be able to help you." Sirius said, hugging Remus a little tighter. 

That was the hardest conversation Remus ever had, and the memories of that night plagued him his whole life through, but he knew that as long as he had Sirius it was just a little bit easier.