Wolfstar oneshots

Better

A/N: The inspiration and all the lyrics included in the letter content of this chapter come from the song 'Better' by Ben Platt. I encourage you to listen to it as it is very wolfstar coded and also a phenomenal song <3

Word Count: 608

Remus still counted the days it had been since it all happened, that horrible night when everything he loved disappeared for good, when his best friends, his chosen family, were slaughtered by a man he trusted, a man he believed in, a man he loved. As much as he didn't want to, he still loved him, and part of him still wanted to believe in him. Maybe Sirius hadn't done these things, maybe it had all been a misunderstanding, maybe in a couple days he would come home and everything could be okay again. He knew he was stupid for wanting, for believing, for loving, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. So he did the only thing he knew how to do, he wrote letters

I don't feel like you're supposed to when somebody sets you free.
I'm not good at pretending that I'm happy to be alone,
part of me is a question, can't answer it on my own.
Cause I lost part of me when I lost all of you now I'm lost.
I don't want to come crawling, but I catch myself falling.
I could try to stop calling, just to show myself.

- Moony X

Sirius felt like he was suffocating here, the concrete walls and barred windows allowed only the icy winds of winter air into his room, only further spurred on by the deathly chill of the dementors roaming the halls to keep prisoners in their place, hopeless and unwilling to fight back. Perhaps the only escape he got from this awful prison in the middle of the sea was writing letters, letters he knew would never be sent, never be received, never be read.

I don't know if you're listening, or if you wanted to hear from me.
I'm not good at pretending that I'm happy to be alone,
part of me is a question, can't answer it on my own.
Cause I lost part of me when I lost all of you now I'm lost.
Did you keep my sweater? Did you read my letter?
Do you know me better than I know myself?

- Padfoot X

More than anything Sirius wished he could send these letters, ask the questions he was dying to know the answers to, explain that he shouldn't be here, that he shouldn't be forced to endure the torture of this hellish prison after losing his best friend and brother. He prayed Remus wouldn't stop believing in him, that maybe he would try to look into it, he'd see the cracks and be able to prove him innocent, but he knew that could never be the case. He'd be lucky if he ever got to walk out of here, let alone as a free man.

Remus cursed every second he ever spent letting himself fall for Sirius Black, he wished he'd never given into his charismatic personality, his confident facade and his kind words. He should never have been so stupid as to think someone so perfect could exist, as to think that he wouldn't be hurt by him.

I don't wanna come crawling,
But I catch myself falling,
I could try to stop calling, just to show myself

Did you keep my sweater?
Did you read my letter?
Do you know me better than I know myself?

Cause I lost part of me when I lost all of you, now I'm lost.
Cause you know me better than I know myself

- Moony X - Padfoot X