Ineffable Bureaucracy (One/twoshots)

5 Things Beelzebub Has Eaten

1: An Apple

It goes without saying that the first fruit a demon would partake in would be an apple. The Evil Fruit, the Sinful Fruit, the Fruit of Satan, what have you, is known on Earth by one name: Red Delicious.

The bitter fruit, hard and crunchy but not in a way Beelzebub enjoyed, rested on their tongue and refused to go down their throat. They screwed up their features in disgust and cough into their fist.

They sighed and took another bite of the apple, the last they could stomach before throwing it away. Juice, translucent, cold and slimy ran down their lips and chin to their neck, coating their mottled skin in a sticky, unclean residue. Beelzebub sighed and reached for a napkin to clean themself. They caught the eye of the Archangel Gabriel, though "caught" and "the eye" might have been wrong terms to use. They "caught" him "eyeing" the glossy, wet expanse of their neck with a hungry, thirsty expression. A pink tongue ran over full, rich lips and when Gabriel looked up, Beelzebub saw right into his brain, seeing the desire to lick the graying, dying skin clean with that angelic mouth.

Beelzebub swallowed and took another bite.

2: Banana

Banana were absolutely disgusting. They were mushy, mash-y curved little freaks with an unsightly color. The peel was far superior, but the peel did not get Beelzebub the reaction eating the fruit properly gave them.

Gabriel had not removed his eyes from them since they had plucked the disgusting yellow invention from the bowl on the table and curled up in their favorite chair directly across from him, a thick tome across their lap. Gabriel was not stupid, he knew they hated bananas. It did not stop him from playing the game.

He leaned back against the tan leather of the couch, letting his legs fall open. Blue eyes peaked up from the aging paper, taking in the open invitation to gawk at his powerful thigh muscles and the growing bulge in his trousers. Beelzebub licked their lips and swallowed, placing their mouth around the banana with a smirk.

Gabriel groaned softly, reaching down and palming himself through his pants, rubbing his thumb up the length and round the obvious head, a dark patch slowly spreading. It was no wonder the dreadful fruit ended up in the wastebasket with only a single bite taken.

3: Peaches

The Archangel Gabriel liked biting. Harsh, unforgiving teeth sinking into soft skin. He especially enjoyed it when it was sharp little fangs digging into his own warm, tanned skin and drawing golden blood.

He, however, did not enjoy watching Beelzebub sharpening their teeth on the pits of peaches by the handful. Gabriel enjoyed peaches both culinarily and aesthetically, and always had a bowl of the on one surface or other in his home. When the little demon first asked for the juicy snack, he didn't think twice.

Now the peaches were hidden on his fridge, high up where Beelzebub could not reach without assistance of a step ladder. His ears grated with the sound of teeth wearing away against the pits, and he swore he would never let them near the bowl again.

He, however, was a sucker for big blue puppy eyes and a convincingly sweet smile, and truly it was his own fault for letting them continue eating his collection of peaches.

But at least their teeth felt like heaven on his skin.

4: Dirt

It was a dare because Gabriel did not believe the human-trod dirt would be good enough for his precious roses and tulips. Unfortunately Beelzebub also consumed a warm, two rocks and David's car keys.

5: Wedding Cake

The sun beat down on Gabriel's head as he watch Beelzebub be twirled around the dance floor by Crowley. When they were invited to the wedding, the two had honestly believed it was a joke until Crowley showed up the next day to confirm it was real. Even more shocking, Crowley had asked Beelzebub to dance with him during the traditional parent/child portion, while Gabriel had spun Aziraphel around the room as well before his poor "little brother" had stumbled off with a tummy ache.

Personally, Gabriel believed the most beautiful of the guests was Beelzebub. The all black outfit they wore consisted of a blazer, fitted ruffled black shirt, a fitted skirt, leggings, fishnet socks, men's loafers, and the signature fly hat. Contrasted with his white suit (he did not quiet get the "do not wear white to a wedding" concept), Beelzebub was the spitting image of beauty and handsomeness. Not only that, they could dance remarkably well, while Gabriel had two left feet.

After the loss of his dancing partner, Gabriel had retreated to the table for water and a green apple. An untouched plate of cake sat beside him awaiting Beelzebub. The sweet was a thing of beauty: vanilla and red velvet alternating layers covered in black and white buttercream and gold leaf, edible roses and skulls made of sugar and frosting decorating the top of it. Beelzebub's particular slice was a large red velvet slice, and a grinning black skull sat next to it. It reeked of human diabetes.

The overwhelming sugar scent was quickly covered by the smell of earth and smoke as Beelzebub stumbled into their seat beside him, smiling down at the pile of sugar with delight before turning and looking up at Gabriel adoringly. Beelzebub picked up the fork and began eating happily. Gabriel leaned back and watched them.

They wrinkled up their nose when they smiled. Their blue eyes gleamed under the lights of the chandelier, and barely there freckles littered their face like sprinkles. Their teeth were slightly crooked, slightly stained but nothing more than most humans, and truthfully he didn't mind it. They had long eyelashes and full lips, a strong jawline and cheek bones. Their blazer was covered in gold glitter from their celebrations and it reflected onto their inky black hair like a million constellations. Beelzebub's head turned, and now they were looking at each other. Little flecks of lavender danced in the sea of blue, the lights gleamed and shone brightly in their eyes. The blue orbs practically glowed when they smiled and held out their fork, a bite of the cake perched on it.

Gabriel smiled, leaned forward and wrapped his lips around the fork. Beelzebub's breath hitched and they moaned softly, too softly for anybody else to hear them. Gabriel grinned and Beelzebub pulled back the fork. He reached out and pulled them into a soft kiss. They both could taste the sugar and buttercream on their lips and tongues, and Beelzebub melted into his chest, gripping onto the fabric of his suit as Gabriel dominated the kiss before pulling back with a satisfied grin on his face.

"Do you think we could have our own wedding cake, Beelzebub?"