Ineffable Bureaucracy (One/twoshots)

Deities High School

"I don't wanna go to this. Don't make me go to this." Beelzebub whined loudly, following behind their big brother.

"Stop whining like a baby and come on." Lucifer rolled his eyes and growled. "We're gonna be late if you don't stop complaining."

"I'm not a baby and I'm not complaining!" Beelzebub shouted angrily, their voice coming out high and squeaky. Lucifer chuckled and leaned against the stop sign at the bus stop.

"High school isn't going to be that bad." He assured his younger sibling. They huffed and brushed their black hair out of their eyes. Dressed in black jeans, a black shirt, an orange belt, and enough pins to make a Hot Topic nerd jealous, not to mention the always present ankle fishnets, everything about Beelzebub was dark. "At least you'll see the Death Club again."

"Do not call is the Death Club. And Hephaeztuz izn't even a deity of death, you moron. Hadez just haz a thing for him and dragz him around everywhere becauze the poor boy can't zay no." Beelzebub scoffed, their well known and well hated lisp coming through in their annoyance.

"Don't get your goth panties in a twist, Bebe." He was silent for a moment before speaking again. "Is Azrael still in your little club?"

Beelzebub's tiny ears perked up, "You mean Azrael the incredibly hot and incredibly out of your league Angel of  Death? The one you've been crushing on for -hmmmmm- since you were thirteen?" They grinned, showing tiny and sharp teeth.

"No, I mean the Azrael that hangs out with the incredibly annoying Archangel Gabriel." Lucifer turned red and brushed his hair back with a huff.

"Don't you already have a girlfriend?"

"God's nice, she just... she's to nice. Cramps my style." Lucifer remarked. There was a beat of silence.

"She won't sleep with you. Will she." Beelzebub smirked.

"No!" Lucifer groaned and banged his head on the stop sign once. Beelzebub could see the bus coming and hoped their friends were on it. After spending an entire summer abroad with one of Lucifer's friends, a red head named Crawley, Beelzebub was absolutely friend deficient.

"I don't wanna do this." Beelzebub mumbled to themself, fidgeting with one of the pins on their backpack.

"You'll be fine." Lucifer smiled down at them reassuringly and one-arm hugged them. Beelzebub smiled softly and managed to calm some of their nerves.

The big yellow school bus rolled up in front of them and they got on, Lucifer before Beelzebub. As soon as they got on, Beelzebub heard the shouting.

"Luci, back here!" Zeus and Jupiter shouted together, their voices thundering across the bus. Buddha's eyes didn't open from his meditative sitting position. Ra smiled, his teeth blindingly white. His pet falcon Re happily sat on the seat next to him. Allah was conversing with God, who turned at the mention of her boyfriend and smiled and waved.

"Come sit with us!" She called. Lucifer forced a smile and made his way to the back, leaving Beelzebub to stand there like an idiot, blue eyes desperately searching for their friends.

"Bebe. Over here." Their head snapped up as they heard the thick drawl. They smiled as Hades waves them over and quickly made their way to him. Hephaestus, a poor boy who walked with braces but who had somehow won Hades' heart, was fidgeting with some stuff but looked up and smiled. Osiris and Anubis smiled at him and waved. Anubis wince again had bandages on his hand, most likely from a fight, and Osiris was fiddling with his moon shaped charm while reading their Deathology textbook. Pluto sat on the other side of Hades, wistfully watching a pretty girl with flowers in her hair talk to a girl with grey eyes and a hunting puppy not so carefully hidden in her bag. Yama waved with spiky nails colored a deep blue and smiled, showing sharp teeth. Azrael smiled and made room for Beelzebub to sit next to her and Thanatos, who was their gullible but very deadly friend.

"Hey love!" Azrael smiled. The only one of them dressed in white, the Angel of Death was just as deadly as all of them and just as sweet as the angels that sat further in the back. "How was your summer?"

"Fine I guess." Beelzebub groaned as they sat down, sliding off their already to heavy backpack.

"Dude, stop staring at her. You're gonna creep her out." Hades kicked Pluto with a smirk.

"Shut up, Hades. Proserpina already thinks I'm creepy." He sighed sadly. Beelzebub patted his shoulder. He, like Hephaestus, liked one of the most popular girls at school, and they all knew the chances of them getting together were slim.

"Well, Persephone and I-"

"Chose not to get together until graduation, I know. Fuck off." He sighed. In the end, he knew he would end up with the girl, h just didn't want them to have the start at the beginning of their myth together.

"Yeah. And until then, I have my eyes on someone else. Simple as that." Hades rolled his eyes.

"Hephaestus is so far up Aphrodite's ass he doesn't even notice." Pluto growled.

"Hm?" Hephaestus lifted his head in confusion.

"Nothing." Hades said quickly, shooting Pluto a death look.

"Boys." Azrael sighed and shook her head. As the only girl in the group, she often made remarks. "They are just so weird."

"I want to defend them, but I also agree with you." Beelzebub smiled and looked around the bus. The angels and demons all dat away from each other. The archangels presided over the angels, and Asmodeus and Leviathan presided over the demons. The Greek and Roman goddesses were in the middle. It wasn't a secret that the goddesses were the most beautiful girls at school. Hera, Juno, Aphrodite, and Venus were all giggling and bitching about the other girls. Hestia, Vesta, Athena, Minerva, Artemis, and Diana all sat together with at least three gods around them. As the only six goddesses who were to be eternal maidens, several gods watched out for them and treated them like family. 

Moving their eyes away from the goddesses, Beelzebub continued to look around the bus. The Egyptian gods and goddesses all had some form of their animal form or head next to them. Beelzebub almost had a bus seat as the item for their head as the bus slammed on it's breaks and threw them forward and out of their seat, the entire bus laughing when they hit the floor.

Beelzebub didn't have enough time to get up before footsteps stopped at their head and two large hands picked them up and set them upright.

"Are you okay?" A deep and calming voice asked. Beelzebub looked up and blue met violet. By every deity in this fucking bus, he was hot. And by the white clothes and tiny gold wing pin on his jacket, he was an Archangel.

"I-I'm fine." Beelzebub stammered, turning red in the face. A few seats over, Venus and Aphrodite shared matching grins.

"What happened? Decide to take a nap on the way?" He chuckled. Why did his voice have to be so damn sexy?

"Z-Zomething like that." They lisped our, not moving. After maybe three minutes, the Archangel lifted an eyebrow and Beelzebub practically threw themself out a window with how hard they flung themself into the seat. He simply smiled and walked off.

Beelzebub sat right and fixed their clothes, "Who was that?"

"Hm? That's the Archangel Gabriel,"Azrael smiled.

"He's so fucking-" Beelzebub gasped.

"-my boyfriend."

"...Oh."

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I am so sorry for not uploading in so long, I've been really stressed from school and stuff in my personal life. This was an idea I had at three am one night and I was only just now able to put it into writing (I know it sucks). I was thinking of making a series out of it, like with "Bet Gone Wrong" (which the last part will be coming out soon). Again, I am so sorry for not uploading and I will try harder to have a schedule.

Remember, you are ineffably loved.

-BANGTANBABE13