Splinter 2 (Yaoi ManXBoy)

【Part 30: Goodbye】「Kazuo」

Chapter 30: Goodbye

Shouta broke up with me. I preferred him to do that anyway. This means he won't be tied in with it. In return for helping me, I will keep his involvement a secret.

I lost something yet again. I wasn't happy, but it was expected. Everyone is starting to close in on me, and blame me.

Four big deaths. They all point to me even with the foolish evidence. I cleaned my tracks, but Hiro knew better. He knew what to do to make me seem like the culprit. Well...I got him back.

I knew my life was ending soon. In prison I would have no purpose. I made a mistake. I didn't want to be sexually abused like that when I was younger. I didn't want to be foolish, and let it devour my entire life. But I did. I fucked up bad.

Satoshi can't return to me. I won't let him be near me anymore. I can't keep hurting him. I love him too much, but I can't control myself anymore.

I went upstairs to my bathroom. Looking down, I saw all the utensils I needed for what I got planned. I went to grab some pain killers, and took one.

I'm sorry Satoshi. I won't cause you pain. I have nothing to live for. I knew the death of my mother will forever haunt me.

I looked in the mirror. What do I see? I see my 20 year old self again. I see my 20 year old self happy, and excited to get accepted as a student teacher, but I see my 20 year old self being brutally used for sex over, and over. I see a man that is lost. I see a man that needs saving, but couldn't be saved.

I could hear my faint whimpers as I let myself cry. I cried tear by tear. I am so fucked up. I killed my mother. I killed Satoshi's family for no reason. I killed Ita. I even felt bad for killing the man, and his son that assaulted Satoshi, and me. What kind of monster am I to continue living when they died by my hand?

I took a pair of scissors in my hand. My hand roams around my lips, and I slipped my index, and thumb in my mouth to pull out my tongue. The mirror looked distorted. The tabs of acid gotten me feeling like a madman. So many colors. So many regrets.

I held the scissor up to my tongue. The scissor's legs on each side of my tongue, top, and bottom.

I closed my eyes tightly, and clipped down the scissor legs. I could taste metallic. I could feel something in between my fingers. My eyes watered profusely, and I dropped the soft object, and scissors in the sink. I grabbed a towel, and scarfed it down my mouth.

The pain didn't make me scream. All I could hear were my cries of agony. My cries of guilt. I took the sewing needles, and started stitching myself from where I cut the piece off. It hurts...it hurts like hell. I don't know what I'm doing. Am I going to die here?

I fell down to the ground. My head is dizzy. I don't want to talk to anyone or call anyone. But if I don't, I will bleed to death. I pulled out my phone, and was about to dial 911, but changed my mind. No, not yet.

A few days later I felt okay again. My mood changes a lot. I managed to feel like myself sometimes, but at times I feel like I'm someone else.

I could not speak anymore.

The feeling was beyond weird. I could groan, and make small noises. I fear that Satoshi would visit me in this state, and he did.

I couldn't interact around him. All I could do was kiss him. I wanted to cry. I can't talk to him anymore even though he is inches away from me.

I laid in him arms weeping. He keeps forgiving me, and he thinks Hiro killed his family, but my guilt was eating away at me. I knew this was the last time I would see Satoshi. I knew I can't speak to him anymore. It's sad.