Queen Of Hearts | Roger Taylor

XXXI

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The incident with Roger hadn't had much effect, because a night later he was performing with the band. I wasn't fully agreeing with it, but my brother had reassured me that it was fine and that he would keep an eye out. I still didn't trust the situation, though.

The show, however, was great. Together with Mary and Delilah I enjoyed the new songs, and the crowd did too. They all had a specific way of interacting with the crowd, and I noticed that Deaky had become a favourite of the crowd. Not that it surprised me, but usually it was Roger they were pining after.

After the show had ended, we got another round of drinks and waited patiently till someone came to get us and take us backstage. It was so official now that we couldn't find the route ourselves. We walked through the small corridor and bumped into two men. Both of them were wearing a suit making them almost look similar, but one had a few grey hairs.

"Hi girls, did you enjoy the show?" the other seemed to have a Northern accent, and by the stories Brian told me, this must be John Reid. The manager.

"It was class, we loved it!" Mary excitingly answered. I looked him up and down and smiled.

"You must be Lotus, I am John Reid and this Jim Beach, the band's attorney," he introduced himself and the man behind him. I shook both their hands politely.

"It's good to meet you," was all I said. I didn't like the feeling I got from John Reid. He gave off too much testosterone and was obviously used to getting what he wanted. I preferred to stay away from those kinds of men.

They went the other way as we made our way to the dressing rooms. Delilah and Mary almost ran through the door, making their way to their boyfriends. I stood in the doorway, looking at the room. It was big, had a few couches and a table with a mirror on the other side.

Freddie waltzed through the room, talking with much grace about the show and how much he loved it. I smiled when I looked at him. He was always meant to be great, greater than anyone.

My eyeline diverted from Freddie to Roger, who was already looking at me. He had a nervous look in his eyes, because both of knew what we had to do. I cocked my head to the side as an indication that he should follow me.

I rounded a few corners till we were standing in a place that seemed quiet enough. This place was a maze and it would've probably taken me a hot minute to find the exit if I wanted to stand outside. I leaned against the wall as I turned around and looked at him.

His behaviour towards me had changed a lot since I saw him at the hospital. He was being kind. When I had arrived earlier, he even greeted me and gave me a small smile. That was really all I needed to know that now was a good time to smooth things over between us.

"How's your head?" I asked him. If you looked close enough and moved his hair to the side, you could see the bruise.

He shrugged. "It's alright. You were right about the headache."

"I'm really sorry, Rog. I wasn't being fair to you at the hospital," I apologized. I had thought about it for hours when I had come home that night. About how we could've had the chance to really talk, but instead we fought. Again.

"Don't be. I wasn't being easy either," he half-joked, to lighten the mood. "I guess I just needed space after coming back and seeing you again. I hadn't even processed everything that happened yet."

"It's okay that you're angry. I would be, too," I reassured him. I would've literally blown up if he had done this to me. We both knew that at the end of the day I was always gonna get angrier than him.

He looked at me. His blue eyes bored through my soul and they almost made me cry. Just by looking in them I felt as much as peace as I did angry. He didn't need to do anything, he just needed to look at me. It was the same look I had fallen in love with.

I thought back at how things had been when we were still together. How he would treat me better than anyone had ever. How I kept us so close, because it felt so fragile like it could break any moment. And how I dropped us, shattering us into a million pieces that I was trying to peace back together.

"You really hurt me, Lotus," he said softly. I looked up at him and nodded. I knew that I did. He made sure that I felt it. "But I still fucking love you."

My eyes widened in shock. That was the last thing I had expected him to say. Yes, of course, I hoped we would eventually arrive at that point, but not for a long time. He seemed to not have excepted it either, because he looked down at his feet and chuckled.

"It's kind of the worst part of it all. I would literally take you back and let you break me all over again. That's how bad I got it for you," he admitted. He said it with such lightness, like it didn't matter that the words would have a big impact.

I couldn't say anything. None of the words that came to mind could really describe what was happening in my head. The wheels turned and tried to make sense of everything, but it wasn't working.

Then I looked at him and it all just fell apart. Everything that I had tried to analyse, and my plan just cracked. Nothing was ever going as I wanted it to, but how could it? This was Roger and I. We had a habit of destroying each other's lives like a hurricane.

"Me too," was all I said after being silent for much too long.

Apparently, that's all he needed to hear, because he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me closer. My hands cupped his cheek and I kissed him. I kissed him while tears were streaming down my cheeks, landing on our intertwined lips. The salty taste mixed in our kissed and he pulled away.

"I will never, ever hurt you like that again. I promise," I whispered against his lips.

He didn't say anything as he buried his face in the crook of my neck. I wrapped my arms around his body and hugged him back. It felt so good to have him back in my arms. To feel his heartbeat against my ribcage and how his body heat warmth me up.

After a few minutes he let me go. He cupped my cheek and gave me another kiss. I was literally putty in his hands; he could do whatever he wanted to me now. But, I also knew we needed to build it up slowly and take our time together. He needed to trust me again.

"Come, I hear there is this killer after party," he informed me. My brows shot up. I didn't have work tomorrow and a party sounded like fun. He grabbed my hand and together we walked to the others. 

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happy new year! i hope this year is kind to you all and better than the previous one :). 

take care! xx