What would i do without you?

Chapter 12

TW: sh
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'why did i have to be so awful, she was only trying to help.' 'i can't do anything right, sarah didn't deserve that, or holland.' 'she'll probably send me back home now all because i was being a horrible little cow.' i picked up the nearest object, which happened to be a picture of me and sarah in a frame, and threw it against the wall. watching the glass shatter across the floor, made me want to cut. i deserved it.

i was so mean to the only people who actually care about me and i went and fucked it all up, like the stupid little fuck up i am. i walked over towards the glass shards scattered all over the floor, and picked the sharpest piece i could find. i glided the shard across my arm,. watching the bubbles of blood form, dropping down my arm onto the floor.

All of a sudden, my bedroom door swung open and there stood sarah and holland, staring at my with a blank expression. their faces paler than snow. tears started to form in my eyes whilst i whispered a small "i'm sorry."

"oh sweetheart, holland please can you go and get the bandages and wipes for me, they're just in the bathroom." sarah asked. "y-yeah." holland said quickly jogging to the bathroom. "oh sweetheart, what happened?" she asked. "i-i just got really mad about how i spoke to you and holland. i deserve it though. i-i'm really sorry, you don't understand h-how guilty i f-feel." i said breaking into sobs.

"no no no sweetheart, you didn't deserve that at all, okay? i understand why you spoke like that, it wasn't my right to tell holland but i just thought it would be better for her to understand how you would feel about certain things okay, so we can help you. i love you so much sweetheart." she said embracing me into a loving hug. "i-i love you too."

holland came running in with the bandages and wipes so sarah could deal with my arms. after a few minutes, my arms were clean and wrapped up. Sarah decided that we could watch a movie together, so we grabbed my blankets and pillows and headed downstairs.

sarah grabbed some snacks whilst i sorted the pillows out, she soon came back with the food and snuggled up with me. "m-mom?" "yes honey." she said looking at me. "where's holland?" i asked. "oh she's said she was gonna take a nap because she wasn't feeling too good." she looked at me with a sad smile. i knew it was my fault that she felt ill. if i didn't cut myself holland would be fine and we could all be watching a movie together as a family.

i put my focus back on the movie as tears brimmed my eyes. "i-i'm just gonna grab my phone." i said to sarah. "o-okay honey, do you want me to pause the movie?" she asked. "no it's okay i won't be long."

i quickly ran upstairs and made my way over to sarah and hollands room. i just felt so bad for holland having to see me go through a midlife crisis. i gently pushed the door so it opened just enough for me to slide through. Holland was tucked under the sheets, her face white as snow and a thin layer of sweat, glazed her face.

i felt so bad. she didn't deserve to see that, no one did. they should've just left me, how i want to be:

dead...