What would i do without you?

Chapter 18

It only a few days till christmas and i couldn't wait! i've never really had a good christmas, so i was really excited that this was gonna be my first one. i was so excited to decorate the house, even though my parent were shitty, we always decorated the tree together. it was one of those rare moments of family time we had together.

i've already bought my presents for everyone but i haven't told anyone though, after the coincidence that happened on sarah birthday, i didn't trust anyone, especially holland. i wasn't really sure what to buy holland so i just got her the prada sandals she wanted and tickets to go watch broadway. I bought sarah a LOT of tequila, which i knew she would be very thankful for, a few books she said she wanted to read and this painting of her old dogs, alice and millie. i knew how much they meant to sarah, so i wanted to buy her something special.

i got out bed and headed into the living room, sarah was laid in between holland legs, they were watching a movie whilst holland was stroking sarah's hair. "hey mom." i said cheerily. "oh, hey honey, you okay?" she asked, not taking her eyes off the tv. "yeah, what are you guys watching?" i asked sitting in the other couch. "love actually." she mumbled. "oh right, hey mom i was wondering if we could put the tree up?" i asked. "oh yeah, of course honey. we'll put it up tomorrow." she said. "yess! thankyou." i said excitedly. "it's okay honey." she said blandly still not looking up at me.

i noticed from the corner of my eye that holland was glaring at me. i don't know what is going on lately but it just felt like holland and sarah didn't want me around. i just felt alone.

TW: sh
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i ran upstairs and into my room. 'your so annoying' 'of course they don't want you around' 'your in the way of their relationship' 'you should just leave' 'run away' the thoughts we're back and each one was hitting harder and harder.

i grabbed my blade from the back of my drawer and got to work. it got to the point where they didn't even hurt anymore.,i made about 20 cuts before i realised how much blood there was. i quickly ran towards the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit. i wrapped my arm in a bandage and packed a bag, only fitting things in for a couple on nights.

Y/N: hey mina, is it okay if i stay at yours for a few nights? 💜
Mina💜: of course it is sweetheart. is everything okay?
Y/N: i'll explain when i get to yours.
Mina💜: okay darling 💜

i grabbed my hoodie and bag and walked back into the living room. "hey mom is it okay if i stay at minas for a few nights?" i asked. "yeah" she said bluntly, still not looking at me. "okay, thankyou." i said. "no problem." she said, snuggling into holland more.

holland looked at me and then the bandage wrapped around my arm. she rolled her eyes and scoffed. "what the fuck is your issue?" i asked. "Y/N! what the fuck?!" sarah yelled. "what! i'm just saying this bitch keeps glaring at me!" "Y/N don't even think about speaking about holland like that!" she yelled. "it's not like you would even notice because your that far shoved up her ASS!" i shouted. "get out." she spoke lowly. "what?" i asked. "i said GET OUT!" she screamed. "fuck you." i said lowly.

i grabbed my bag and made my way to door. "don't expect me back anytime soon." i shouted loud enough for them just to hear. i slammed the door and put my airpods in and set off to minas. maybe christmas wasn't going to be as great as i hope it will be...

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A/N: ooh shits going down! i'm really sorry for not posting yesterday. i'll try and post another chapter tonight. But i just want to say a massive thankyou for everyone who is reading my story, i hope you guys are enjoying it so far! 😊