A Lover To Him

Chapter Twenty-five, The hospital

December 19th, ten years ago

Caine Williams, fourteen years old at the time

Jackie, my neighbor, drives me towards the hospital, the whole ride filled with a thickening, tense silence between us. Neither one of us says something, my mind is too filled with other thoughts to have a normal conversation right now, and I think she doesn't want to break the silence. Somehow, she seems to know that I don't want to talk to anyone.

I can only wait impatiently until we get to the hospital, and I focus my gaze on the window the entire ride, not sure that if I see her kind face, I'll be able to hold back my tears. Houses passed us as we drove towards the hospital, and I looked at all of them, knowing that in everyone single one of them probably a happy family would be sitting on the couch, watching a movie together. I felt bitterness in my mouth as I realized that I might never have those sort of nights again with my dad. 

No one actually told me he had passed, but I heard it in the stranger's voice on the phone. Her sweet voice held something so empty and lonely underneath her compassionate tone, and I knew she wasn't trying to upset me. Maybe, she didn't want to be the one to bring me the news that my father probably had passed away because of his injuries if there was an awfully small chance that he might be alive after all. Or maybe, she didn't want to bring me the news that he was actually gone because she simply couldn't do that to me. 

It's always hard to tell someone their loved one had passed away, doesn't matter if it's a total stranger you're telling the news to. It's hard for everyone to see the tears in someone's eyes or the shock, horror, and sadness on someone's face because it reminds you of a situation where you would be that person with tears in your eyes and sadness sketched all over your face. 

Somehow, I felt as if I was the only person in the entire world right now, and that feeling of loneliness broke a piece of my heart. I realized that there was no one I could share memories with about my dad, I had no direct family or family friends. It had always been just my dad and me, and I always believed we would never need someone else to take care of us because we took care of each other. We had done it for many years, and I thought there were many more years to come together, but I suppose we didn't have years. Hell, we didn't even have minutes. 

I thought like my dad was already gone, passed away from this world, and moved on to another life somewhere very far away, but I wasn't even sure. His death wasn't even confirmed yet, and I already thought with such negativity. Yet, it felt like it didn't even matter if I thought like that because my thoughts were correct, my dad was really gone. 

My family, my home. 

He was the only one who knew me like no one else, he knew my secrets and my worst fears. He knew what I liked and disliked and what I thought of certain kinds of things. He sometimes even knew what I was going to say before I even said it, and he knew what I was thinking. He understood the emotions in my ice-blue, cold eyes, which my mom had passed onto me. He knew how to make me laugh and cry, and he knew how to make me happy. 

I never realized how lucky I was to have him as my dad. He was the one who taught me how to cook the most delicious dishes, he taught me how to play video games, giving me all the tips and tricks to win the game. He helped me with my math and science homework after dinner, not understanding something about the subject either, but he tried anyway. He helped me with the first girl I liked and made me laugh when she rejected me. He taught me how to drive a car even though it was illegal, and once I understood how to drive normally, he began to teach me how to race. He taught me all the fine tricks of racing, he raced too in high school. The last thing he ever taught me was how to drift, I still couldn't do it perfectly but I was getting there.