A Lover To Him

Chapter Fifty, Nightmares

I take a look around me, wondering where the hell I ended up in the middle of the night. Suddenly, I recognize everything. The road is so familiar, and so is the car I'm sitting in. My eyes almost widen without it being noticeable as I realize where I am. No way.

I take a look at the seat in front of me, noticing a girl. A girl that looks a lot like me, but then slightly younger. She looks no older than sixteen, her curled hair still reaching over her shoulder blades. Now, I wear it shorter, it only reaches an inch over my shoulders. She seems so upset, almost crying. She looks at her phone in frustration, trying to get it to work. 

"Please, don't die on me. I need to call my mom, gosh." She says, trying to get her black screen to give some sign of being alive. The phone doesn't respond at all, not even giving her the sign to say that its battery is dead. She takes a deep breath as the tears rolled down her cheeks before looking up at the road again. I hadn't even noticed that she wasn't focused on keeping the car on the right side of the road, and we were almost driving on the left side. 

Once again I realized how naive and stupid I was to take this road in the middle of the night only to get back home faster. There were absolutely no lights on the road, and there was not a car in sight we could follow or drive behind to give us some direction. Why did I think that driving into an area where we couldn't see a thing was such a good idea? Why did I even continue to drive when I realized it was a dumb idea? 

I was merely sixteen years old, I literally had no knowledge of the world or what would've been the wise thing to do. I had no clue about life, I was just a naive girl that got hurt that night and wanted to get home as soon as possible. It's understandable that I took this road, but I must say that I wasn't very bright at that time. Seriously, every other person wouldn't have even thought about taking this road, and every person that did think of it, would've turned around. 

Can I blame myself though? Not at all, because I understand it. 

I have blamed myself for years for taking that road. Thinking over and over again about how stupid and naive it was to take the damn dark road. I couldn't even explain to myself why I did it in the first place. Now, I realize that back then I was just too young to understand, and now I do.

Suddenly,  she throws the phone through the car out of frustration. The shining thing falls on the floor close to the passenger seat. I can hear my younger self sob softly as she tries to focus on the road. The car swings across both roads as she tries to keep it on the right side. I can almost feel how hopeless she feels, and the hairs on my back stand up straight once I realize what's happening. 

I'm reliving it all over again. The nightmares should have been gone by now, but somehow, my mind never forgets what it saw. Although I might not remember a single thing from before this night, this event will be engraved in my mind forever. The same way you carve something into stone, permanent and forever. 

They say that you dream about things or people that have some sort of significance on you. You might dream about certain people and things in repetition as a sign of your mind telling itself to process what has happened and to give it a place. In that way, dreaming is the mind's only exit for processing things that still remain unresolved. 

The fact that these dreams might be weird or not make sense to you is because the part of your brain that makes sense of things, the ratio, is turned off while you sleep. There's no part of your brain making sense of things for you, which is why things might be weird for you. It's weird how complex your brain is, and how magnificent it works. 

Normally, you realize at the end of a dream that what you're seeing isn't real and doesn't make sense. The only exception is this dream. I realize it before the end of the dream is nearing. I realize it and know that we're not finished with the whole event. It's like my brain knows  I'm there, but forces me to watch the crash until the event is over. It doesn't make a difference that the ending is the same every time, that I've seen it happen again over a million times, or that I know how the dream is going to end. I have to watch until the end and then I can wake up, sweating heavily, my breath out of control, and sitting straight up in my bed in the middle of the night.