Valentine

Chapter 15 : Comfort Zone

Everything feels like it's moving too quickly. When I talked to Crystal last night and let her convince me into this I didn't think I would be on the verge of a panic attack.

What if he doesn't even want to see me. It's been almost a month of no contact.

I didn't reach out and I was unsure if he had reached out to me. Like I said I've perfected the art of running.

I blocked his number and all forms of social media the night I ran.

The problem is I can't run from this problem. It goes against all of my core beliefs.

Everyone should have a choice.

My choice is to go through with this but that doesn't mean it's right for everyone. I try to tell myself that whatever decision Calum makes I'll be fine.

I've just about convinced myself to go back home when a knock sounds on my window.

My heart sinks as I realize it's not him. It reminds me of the first night I came here.

I swing my door open talking as deep of a breath as I can manage. "Crys.. Are you sure this is a good idea? Maybe it would be better for me to confront him privately."

She pulls on my hand dragging me towards the door.

"Stella, this is my house. I can have anyone over that I want. Plus Calum hasn't been in a good spot and I don't know what else to do."

I didn't tell Crystal the whole truth. The only thing I told her is that I have something I need to talk to Cal about and she agreed to help me.

I try to avoid thinking about the last month.

It's been incredibly hard on me and according to Crystal it's been pretty hard an Calum.

I know trust is a hard thing for both of us and we both betrayed that.

"Pull yourself out of this. C'mon you can fix it. I know this Stella. He really cares about you. I've never seen him so bent out of shape this long."

I nod letting her pull me through the door. I do need to do this tonight. Calum has the right to know.

We step into the open living room and the room goes silent. Quiet gasps come from around the couch I had been sitting on with little worries a couple of months ago. Back then I was worried about how I would fit in with Calum's world.

I meet his eyes from across the room. Everything in me wants launch myself at him but I hold myself back. It won't help anything.

"Can we talk Cal?" He drops my gaze and seems to ignore me. "It's really important and I just. This isn't like me Calum. You know it's not like me."

He still doesn't seem to react to my words and suddenly everything starts spinning. I'm definitely going to be sick.

I don't control my feet as they carry me away from the room filled with sad eyes.

He humiliated me in front of his friends again. I knew this was a horrible idea. I tried to tell Crystal but she was just so damn optimistic.

I collapse in front of the toilet for the second time today. This whole morning sickness at all times of the day was getting really old.

My whole body shakes as my body lets go of the little food I had coaxed into it.

I can't blame Calum for not wanting to see me. I know my harsh words coupled with the following silence really hurt.

The thing was it really hurt me too. I've never let someone get so close and on top of that once my walls were down he took the chance to throw stones at me.

I lay down on the cool tile of Michael and Crystals ornate bathroom. Sobs rack my body and for the first time in my life I mind being alone.

Before Calum I was fine being alone. Well maybe not fine but I could deal with it. It didn't affect me like this. When he showed me what it was like to be understood it changed my whole world.

I'm beginning to think that no one at this place ever cared when a pair of large arms wrap around my body.

It only speeds up my breaths but my body immediately relaxes into his arms. "Calum, I can't do it. I can't do it anymore." I cry out but I know my words make very little sense through the sobs.

This is it. I'm at my breaking point. I don't let people see me like this.

His arms wrap tighter and his hands find a place in my hair. "Stella. Take a breath. Please take a deep breath." He starts breathing with me and I try to follow along.

It takes a lot of breaths but I start to smooth out the pace of my breathing. As I start to think more rationally a wave of embarrassment sweeps over me.

A whimper escapes me as his soothing hands move to my back.

"It's okay Stella. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere unless you ask me to. I'm sorry I was being such a dick."

My body recoils as I remember what I came here for. He reaches out for me again but I push my body back to the edge of the tub.

Calum seems to get the memo and stops advancing on me. It take all of my strength to hold my hand up keeping him at a distance. All I want is for him to hold me tight but he deserves the truth first.

"Just stay there until I finish telling you what I need to." I glance up at him momentarily until he nods.

I drop my gaze back down and let out a deep breath. "Stella you're scaring me."

I nod a tear streaming down my face. I don't know how to say it. Every way seems wrong.

"Calum. I really care about you and I don't know how to say this without everything changing. I'm rambling and you know how I feel about unnecessary talking." The words die in my mouth as I try to find the right words.

I come to the realization that there are none when he lets out a chuckle. "You're cute when you're nervous. Look you don't have to be."

"Calum, this is actually serious." He lets out another laugh and I can't help the smile that comes onto my face. I pull the smile back down and try to scowl but pretty much fail.

"Okay. Okay, what is it?" He grabs my hand rubbing it soothingly.

"What I'm about to say might be shocking. I'm still trying to figure everything out but I just want to let you know. I don't expect anything from you. I just feel like you have the right to know."

My sentence seems to taper off as I realize I really just need to spit it out. The anxiety of not knowing his reaction is killing me. "Stella. You can tell me."

I meet his eyes and decide to just rip it off like a band aid. I haven't even said it out loud to anyone yet. I think this one will be the hardest. I don't care what other people think too much besides him.

"Calum. I'm pregnant and it's your baby." I try not to automatically freak out. I know he's going to need time. I've had a couple of days to process.

I watch as his face drops into confusion and he seems to be processing my words and what they mean. He drops my hand and pulls his hands down his face. My heart sinks as Calum groans.

I've really done it now.

Knocking comes rapping on the door. "Is everything all right in there?" Michael calls from the other side.

"We'll be right out." Calum shouts through the door.

I hear Michael tell everyone we are making up loudly. The party seems to go on after that. While our whole world seems to be crumbling down they all seem fine.

"Have you been to the doctor? How far along are you? What are we going to do?" He seems to rapid fire as he processes it.

The only thing I can focus on is him saying we. Like as in I'm not alone in this. Like he might be in for the long hall here.

"We. Calum. Are you saying that we're in this together."

It's like I've electrocuted him as he takes my face into his hands. "Stella, of course we are in this together. That's our baby."

I can't help but feel the shock as his lips meet mine. We are going to do this together.