why? // ateez au

yeosang.

"Yeosang, are you sure you don't want any more food?" my mother asked, her voice filled with concern.

"I'm fine, Mum. I don't need anymore," I replied to her dryly, my fingers absentmindedly playing with the uneaten food on my plate. The heaviness in my heart made it difficult to muster up any appetite.

My mum gave me a confused look, her brows furrowing. "You see us once a month, and this is how you act? What's with your attitude?" She huffed, taking my plate and walking away. I rolled my eyes at her comment, feeling a mixture of frustration and sadness, and continued to stare at the plain white wall in front of me.

Just then, my father entered the dining room with his phone held up, breaking the silence. "Remember that 21-year-old who died from a car crash the other day? Well, they think it's a suicide."

My body froze in my seat, the words hitting me like a punch to the gut. I couldn't bring myself to unlock my gaze from the wall, fearing that any movement might cause my emotions to overflow.

"Pretty good, Mum. My grades are the highest in the class," I replied, my voice lacking conviction. In reality, I was barely passing and struggling with the weight of my academic responsibilities.

"Made any new friends?" my mum continued, trying to maintain a cheerful tone.

"Yeah, I talked to this one new kid," I replied half-heartedly, my mind preoccupied with the recent news of a friend's alleged suicide. The truth was, one of my friends had just tragically taken their own life, leaving me devastated and questioning everything.

"Can we not talk about this at our family dinner? This is our only time to really catch up with our son!" my mum sighed, attempting to change the topic. "So, honey, how's university been?"

"Pretty good, Mum. My grades are the highest in the class," I replied, my voice lacking conviction. In reality, I was barely passing and struggling with the weight of my academic responsibilities.

"Made any new friends?" my mum continued, trying to maintain a cheerful tone.

"Yeah, I talked to this one new kid," I replied half-heartedly, my mind preoccupied with the recent news of a friend's alleged suicide. The truth was, one of my friends had just tragically taken their own life, leaving me devastated and questioning everything.

"Found a job yet?" my mum asked, her eyes filled with hope.

"Yeah, I work at a supermarket," I answered, masking the truth. In reality, I had faced numerous rejections and had given up on my job search, feeling defeated.

"Well, that's wonderful, Yeosang!" my mum beamed, raising her glass of white wine. "Cheers, to our perfect son." My father and I lifted our glasses in unison, and I mustered a weak smile, trying to conceal the turmoil within me.

"Now, back to the car crash," my dad interjected, leaning forward with a somber expression. "I really don't think it was a suicide."

My breath hitched in my throat, anxiety and sadness flooding my senses.

My mum looked at him with interest, her curiosity piqued. "Really? What makes you say that?"

My face turned a shade paler, the weight of the situation bearing down on me.

"I mean, the way it happened... There was no way he knew he was going to die. The crash looks... not intentional," my dad explained. My mum nodded in agreement, and I looked at him with teary eyes, the pain becoming too much to bear.

"Please excuse me," I choked out, my voice trembling. I hastily rose from my seat, leaving my parents looking at me with concern. I rushed to the bathroom, desperately trying to keep my composure. As I slammed the bathroom door open, I leaned over the toilet bowl, my body convulsing as I emptied the contents of my stomach.