why? // ateez au

the revelation.

BRIIINNGGGGGG!

I rubbed my eyes and let out a heavy groan, my sleep-addled mind struggling to process the sound of my phone's incessant ringing. With a groggy hand, I fumbled on my bedside table until I found my phone and disconnected it from the charger. Glancing at the contact name, I let out a sigh of annoyance before pressing the accept button and bringing the phone to my ear.

"Hello? Why are you calling me at this time?" I grumbled, my voice laced with irritation.

"I'm at your door, Wooyoung," the voice on the other end replied cryptically, and before I could utter another word, the line went dead.

Confusion washed over me as I pushed myself off my bed, feeling the heaviness of sleep clinging to my limbs. With sluggish steps, I shuffled my feet towards the front door, my mind still grappling with the abrupt call. I opened the door, expecting to find some sort of explanation, only to be met with a drained-looking San standing there, holding a disorganized book in his hands.

I let out a tired yawn, my voice mirroring my exhaustion. "San, go home, it's literally 4 am," I mumbled, hoping he would understand the need for sleep. However, he shook his head in defiance and brushed past me, making himself at home in my small living room. I watched as he slammed the large book on the coffee table, causing it to shake slightly, and my tiredness gave way to curiosity.

"What's all this about, San?" I asked, my voice tinged with concern, as I approached the coffee table to get a closer look. San slowly opened the book, and faded white notes slipped out, scattering across the table. With a shaky hand, he picked up one of the papers and held it in front of him.

"Wouldn't it feel so good to die, Yunho?" San read aloud, his voice devoid of any emotion. He grabbed another note, his hand trembling, and took a shaky breath before continuing, "I'm trying so hard to resist the urges, but seeing your lifeless body bleeding on the ground seems worth killing you for." Anger welled up inside me as San balled up the paper and threw it to the ground. "Wooyoung, these were sent to him every day for 3 weeks straight."

I stood there, frozen in shock, as the weight of San's words sank in. My gaze met his tear-filled eyes, and my heart ached at the vulnerability I saw within him. A single tear rolled down his cheek, and it felt like a punch to the gut. Without thinking, I reached out and placed my hands on his shoulders, attempting to offer some semblance of comfort.

His eyes showed a sign of vulnerability, something I'd never expect from San, and my heart ached as I saw a single tear drop from his eye.  

He gripped my shoulders tighter, "He said nothing, he fucking said nothing Wooyoung!"

"San..." I whispered, my voice filled with compassion and understanding.

"No..." San pulled away, his voice filled with anguish. "We could've stopped this, Wooyoung, but he was fucking stupid. He fucking led himself to death."

My body trembled, my mind racing to find the right words to say, but in that moment, they eluded me. I watched as San averted his gaze, his hands fidgeting with the worn-out hem of his sweater. We stood there, facing each other, enveloped in a heavy silence, broken only by San's shaky breathing.

When faced with such an agonising situation, finding the right words became an almost impossible task. Emotions clouded my mind, and it felt as if my thoughts were trapped in a suffocating darkness, choking on the words I wanted to say.

"San..." My voice cracked, betraying the weight of my emotions. "This isn't your fault."

His arms dropped from my shoulders, and he stared at me, his tear-stained face twitching as his body continued to tremble. His expression held a mix of disbelief and pain, as if he couldn't comprehend my words.

"Stay here, San. It'll be okay," I whispered softly, my voice filled with reassurance, as I extended my arms towards him, inviting him into a comforting embrace. He allowed himself to be enveloped by my embrace, but his body remained still, and his face retained its shocked expression.

I felt his heart gradually slowing its rapid rhythm as I held him tighter, offering comfort in the only way I knew how. Slowly, he relaxed in my arms, surrendering to the flood of emotions that had overwhelmed him.

"It'll be okay, San. I'm here," I whispered, my voice barely audible. He reciprocated, wrapping his arms around me tightly, and began to sob into my shoulder. We stood there, connected by our shared pain, letting San release the torrent of emotions that had been building inside him. San buried his head further into my neck, his words muffled by his tears.

I gently pushed him away, looking into his tear-streaked face. "What did you say?" I asked softly, urging him to share his thoughts. Slowly, he wiped his tears and let out a shaky sigh.

"I don't trust anyone. I think one of them killed Yunho."