why? // ateez au

the lies.

"Wow, Mingi, you're here early," San greeted as I walked through the door. If I was to be honest at that moment, I would've told him that I only came here early to avoid interacting with the others. However, I couldn't bring myself to say it aloud. Instead, I forced a smile and replied, "Yeah, I decided to come early for you," knowing that it was a transparent lie. San seemed oblivious to my true intentions and returned my smile with his own.

"We didn't really seem to talk yesterday, how are you holding up?" San asked.

I hesitated, contemplating whether or not to confess the truth. But the weight of my secrets pressed heavily on my conscience, and I found myself resorting to another lie. "I've been with my parents," I uttered, a lie that felt bitter on my tongue. In reality, I had been grappling with my own demons, haunted by memories that threatened to consume me.

"That's great, Mingi! I'm so proud of you for handling this all so well," San beamed, unaware of the depth of my deception. I nodded, my eyebrows raised, masking my true emotions. Lying had become a recurring pattern in my life, a necessity to conceal the hurt within me.

As I looked around the room, I couldn't help but feel guilty. Everyone was already going through so much, burdened with their own struggles. The thought of burdening them further with my own truth weighed heavily on my mind. How could I possibly tell one of my closest friends the truth? I knew deep down that it was wrong, but the fear of judgment and rejection paralyzed me. It allowed me to escape from the world, alter my reality and get rid of the pain I feel. But truly, I don't even deserve the pain.

I deserve nothing.

"It's good to see everyone," Wooyoung's voice boomed, breaking the tension in the room. Yeosang playfully slapped his arm, "do you want to keep it down? Fuck, you're worse than Hongjong when he has a good day." The exchange lightened the atmosphere momentarily.

"Isn't that a little harsh, Yeosang?" San chimed in, diffusing the tension further. He walked over to the worn-out couches, and Yeosang followed suit. However, Wooyoung remained still, frozen like a statue. A faint smile graced his lips, his eyes slightly widened. The only movement came from his chest, rising and falling slowly.

Concerned, I approached Wooyoung and placed my hand on his shoulder, asking, "Woo, are you okay?" Startled, he jumped and met my gaze with those same widened eyes.

"Did you get a note yesterday?" I shook my head, my curiosity piqued. Wooyoung took a deep breath and began to share his unsettling discovery.

"Well, when I got home from Yeosang's last night, I saw a note taped to my door. Like any other human, I opened it, and it said the words 'one of you is next' written in red. It was late at night," Wooyoung explained, his voice laced with worry and disbelief.

Wooyoung pushed my arm away and started pacing the room, his mind clearly racing. "What if one of us is really next? I'm too young to die, I'm in my 20s, I haven't done everything yet!" he exclaimed, his fear and anxiety palpable.

"Like get laid?" San jokingly interjected, earning a snicker from Yeosang. Wooyoung shot Yeosang an icy glare, his eyes narrowing. "I hope you're next," he retorted, and a mumbled "wow" escaped San's lips.

"Seriously, Wooyoung," I stammered, my voice shaking with unease. "Please stay with Yeosang for the time being."

"Who says I want him with me?" Yeosang snapped back defiantly. Frustrated, I turned to Yeosang, unable to contain my anger. "Shut the fuck up, you're an actual dick sometimes," I snarled, prompting him to respond with a swift middle finger.

"You know, Mingi," Wooyoung leaned in and whispered, his voice laced with surprise, "even for being a cold person, you sure are more caring than others." A smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I settled back down next to San.