why? // ateez au

the emotion.

"Hongjoong?" I called out into the darkness of the building, my voice echoing through the empty space. The only response was a soft whisper and a muffled whimper that barely reached my ears.

I raised my voice, shouting once again, "Hongjoong! Are you here?" The room fell into a tense silence, broken only by the sound of someone sniffing.

"Jongho? Is that you?" a strained voice replied, a hint of relief mixed with pain. I fumbled along the wall, searching for a light switch. As soon as I found it, I flipped it on, flooding the room with a harsh light.

There, in the midst of chaos and destruction, sat Hongjoong on the floor, clutching a pair of red and white shoes. Shredded pieces of paper littered the ground, and canvases lay in ruins, but it was the broken expression on Hongjoong's face that caught my attention.

Tears streamed down his weary eyes, further staining his already tear-streaked face. He struggled to force a smile, but it crumbled under the weight of his emotions. His grip on the shoes tightened, his knuckles turning pale.

"Jongho..." he uttered with a shaky voice, his gaze fixed on the shoes in his hands. "Yunho..." I approached him, lowering myself to his level, my brow furrowed in confusion. He didn't turn to look at me, instead clutching the shoes tighter, mumbling Yunho's name repeatedly. 

Taking his trembling hand in mine, I spoke softly, "Hongjoong, take a deep breath and look at me." He hesitated for a moment, but slowly raised his eyes to meet mine, attempting to regain control over his breathing.

I sat down beside him, pulling him into my arms. He wept, his grip on the shoes loosening as they fell to the ground, and he wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm sorry..." he stammered, his teary eyes searching for forgiveness.

I gently stroked his hand with my thumb and whispered, "There's nothing to be sorry about." I understood the weight of his past, the challenges he faced within his family, and the struggles he had in expressing his emotions.

Hongjoong had always been the one to suppress his feelings, keeping them hidden from the world, unwilling to let anyone see his true vulnerability. Since a young age, he had been taught not to show emotions, to toughen up and carry on. His family lacked support, and he carried the burden alone.

Though he never spoke about it, I knew that he was meant to study law, pressured by his father. But Hongjoong had different aspirations, a passion for art and design. In spite of his father's disapproval, he mustered the courage to stand up for himself at the age of seventeen and revealed his true desires. His father's reaction was harsh, kicking him out of the house on his eighteenth birthday.

Alone on that same couch in the warehouse, he celebrated his birthday and made a vow to himself to never let his emotions overpower him again.

"I'm sorry for being so emotional..." Hongjoong muttered, avoiding eye contact as he nervously fiddled with the shoelaces. Before I could respond, there was a knock at the door. Both Hongjoong and I turned our attention to the sound, as a distressed voice called out from the other side.

"Hongjoong! Are you okay?" The person outside sounded frantic, continuously banging on the door. I stood up and walked over to open it, revealing someone unexpected.

My eyes widened in surprise. "Mingi?" He didn't respond, his focus solely on Hongjoong. Without a word, he pushed past me and rushed to Hongjoong's side, pulling him into a tight embrace.

Despite his frailty and exhaustion, Mingi held onto Hongjoong as if he were the most fragile thing in the world. The hollow emptiness in Mingi's eyes revealed his own struggles, yet I couldn't help but admire the depth of his love for Hongjoong, even in his own pain.

And despite my anger towards Mingi for his recent actions and the pain he had caused me, in that moment, I couldn't help but appreciate the comfort he offered Hongjoong. I smiled softly, although neither of them noticed, as they held onto each other tightly, their shared tears flowing freely.

It was in that moment that I began to find a newfound admiration for Mingi, for the strength of his love and his ability to provide comfort in the midst of his own unrest.