why? // ateez au

the secrets.

"I'm telling you Seonghwa, I saw him!" Mingi said, throwing his arms up in the air with tears welling up in his eyes, "he's here, he's alive."

I stayed silent as I walked over and sat down next to him, throwing my arm around him to pull him into a side hug. The smell of firewood broke the uncomfortable tension between Mingi and me, like the flames burnt the uneasy feeling of uncertainty that both of us sensed about the recent events that occurred.

My hand brushed Mingi's hair as he leaned into me, allowing himself to go limp in my arms. Tears fell from his eyes as his body started to shake and his breathing became labored.

"I'm sorry Seonghwa... I can't stop," he muttered as he hid his face in his arms.

"You can't stop what, Mingi?" I whispered, looking at his red, puffy eyes. He sucked in a breath.

"I don't know how to stop using." His eyes welled up with tears again as he tried to find the next words to say.

"Jongho saw me take them. I know he did, and I was scared he was going to tell someone. He didn't, but he used it as a weapon, Seonghwa. Did you see that? Am I that fucked? Am I that disgusting, and that's how everyone views me?" He choked on his own tears and hit the couch with his fist.

I wasn't sure if I was mad at Jongho or not. Sure, what he said was vile, but it was only coming from a place of anger. I'm sure he didn't try to make it sound aggressive. No matter how much he denies it, Jongho cares for Mingi too much.

That would be why he didn't tell anyone, right?

"I've got three cups of tea here, whose is whose?" Yeosang walked into the living room with two mugs in his hands and an enthusiastic grin on his face. Mingi looked up at him and gave him a soft smile as he took the cup from his hands, and Yeosang went to sit down on the couch opposite us.

"Can we talk about something else now?" Mingi sniffled as he focused his attention on playing with the mug handle with his fingers. Yeosang got so excited he practically jumped up and nearly spilled his drink.

"Seonghwa!" He smiled at me with curiosity laced in his face. "How's your brother?"

My blood turned cold, and a shiver shot up my spine. I reached over and grabbed the mug from the coffee table with shaky hands, feeling Mingi's and Yeosang's eyes watching me.

"He's doing alright..." I whispered as I leaned back onto the couch and took a sip from my cup.

Mingi lifted his body off me and put his arm around me. "He was in Singapore last, right? When's he coming back?"

I refused to look back at the two boys staring at me as I tried to think of a plausible reason as to why he hasn't been back here in 5 years. I swallowed dryly as I looked up to face Yeosang.

"He's in Australia now." It seemed true enough because both Mingi and Yeosang nodded at my response. I wiped the sweat off my palms as the overwhelming anxiety I felt started to ease.

Yeosang huffed and leaned back into the couch. "Did anyone else think San was acting weird today?"

I stared at him puzzled, "I couldn't tell, Mingi?"

"He doesn't seem to like you much, Yeosang," Mingi said, stifling a laugh. Yeosang slapped his hands on his thighs, and he let out a heavy sigh.

"Have I done something? Do I know something I shouldn't?" he bit the insides of his cheeks, "like, what is it?"

I looked at Yeosang as I came to a realization...

"We... we all don't know much about San, do we?"

He's always somehow absent, he never stays for too long. Maybe he's afraid of confrontation, so he runs away from it all. He doesn't tell us much about himself either; we know nothing about his family, other friends, his life in general...

Wooyoung might be the only one who'd know, but besides him, he's very closed off with the rest of us. And for someone who seemed so curious about the murder of Yunho, it's weird he's so secretive.

It's not exactly helping him, but I'm not one to talk. At all.

"Maybe he's a little insecure about things, and honestly, far enough," Mingi replied, leaning forward to place his mug on the table in front.

Yeosang scoffed, "Yeah, but why's he being such a dick to me..." Mingi softly chuckled.

"Listen, Yeosang, everyone's got their secrets."

I looked down at my feet after he said that...

Yeah. We all do.