why? // ateez au

the distortion.

One... two... three.

I counted, the tingling sensation in my fingertips refusing to subside.

Four... five... six.

The pounding of my heart echoed loudly, reverberating through the air.

Seven... eight... nine.

My muscles tensed, and sweat dripped from my forehead, adding to the growing discomfort. I tried to scream for help, but my voice was ripped away from me, swallowed by an unseen force. I attempted to run, but my feet remained firmly planted on the ground, as if held by an invisible grip.

You try and scream for help, but your voice gets ripped away from you. You try running, but your feet are forever stuck to the ground. You try to escape the deep, dark pit you dug yourself into and then you realise,

there's no way out anymore. 

Escape seemed impossible from the deep, dark pit I had unwittingly fallen into. A cycle of despair bound me, no matter how hard I struggled, how fiercely I pushed against it.

I glanced around the room, searching for a semblance of the liveliness it once possessed, but my mind was clouded with a sense of emptiness. Through muffled hearing, I caught snippets of conversations, laughter, and the joyous camaraderie of others.

Yet, a nagging feeling persisted, a belief that perhaps, just maybe...

They would be better off without me.

It was as if I could hear their voices, laden with disdain and disgust, whispering my name.

"Mingi?"

Yes? What about me?

"Mingi?"

Yes?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"MINGI!" 

I blinked, momentarily disoriented, as the world spun before my eyes. I found myself staring up at a frazzled Seonghwa, his hands gripping my shoulders tightly.

"Are you okay?" he whispered, his voice filled with concern. I struggled to focus my gaze, blinking away the throbbing pain in my head.

"I'm fine," I croaked, sitting up and attempting to collect my scattered thoughts. I stared blankly ahead, trying to make sense of my surroundings.

"Where am I?"

San let out a sigh. "We were in the middle of a conversation, and then you... I'm not even sure."

I massaged my temples with my hands, groaning softly. "You can continue, I'm okay."

Seonghwa rubbed my shoulders reassuringly, and I could hear their footsteps retreating back to their couch. As they resumed their conversation, they seemed oblivious to my actions.

"Mingi?" someone whispered, their voice barely audible amidst the chaos in my mind.

The throbbing in my head intensified, and my stomach churned with discomfort.

"Mingi? It's me... Look up!" the voice urged, growing slightly louder. I groaned and reluctantly lifted my gaze, and there he was.

He stood just a few meters away, his smile radiant and filled with warmth. The others appeared oblivious to his presence, but his eyes were fixed on me.

He grinned at me, "come here Mingi!" he yelled out enthusiastically, waving for me to come over. I lifted my body off the couch and shuffled my way to him, not breaking eye contact with the smiling boy. 

"Yunho..." I stammered, my voice filled with awe. His expression shifted to one of confusion as he analyzed my tone.

"Why do you seem so surprised?" he chuckled. "You're acting like I died or something."

"No, no..." I whispered, my voice barely audible. "It's not that." A sense of numbness overcame my trembling hand as he reached out and took it, pulling me away from the rest, leaving them to continue their discussion without me. His smile remained fixed, and laughter filled the air as he held my hand in his.

I couldn't help but smile, relief flooding over me. After weeks of searching, I had finally found him. He was safe and happy, we were now forever reunited.

He looked back at me, but this time, his face contorted with distress. In his hand, he held a knife, inching it closer to his body.

It was in that moment that I registered what was happening.

Just like before, my voice was ripped away, and my feet were rooted to the spot. I could only watch helplessly as he plunged the knife into his stomach, blood gushing out.

He clutched his chest, collapsing to the ground, gasping for breath.

"Yunho?" I whispered, my voice filled with desperation, reaching out my arm toward him. He drew in a strained breath, struggling to speak.

"He... he's going to take everything away from you," he croaked. "He wants you to feel what he feels. You took everything away from him, so now he's going to take everything away from you, Mingi."

Tears welled up in his eyes as he reached for my hand, weakly clasping onto it. I held on tightly, my hands shaking, as I watched more blood spill from his mouth, staining his pale skin.

I watched as he slowly succumbed to his injuries, his cold hand still clinging to mine, his eyes devoid of life.

Finally, I released his hand, stumbling backward and collapsing onto the floor. The room spun, my vision blurred, and once again, I heard the voices of my friends calling out to me.

"MINGI!" Hongjoong's voice echoed, but I couldn't respond.

Everything continued to spin until I was consumed by darkness.