Sun and Moon

One

The ocean is the one constant in my life. No matter where I've been in my life or what shit storm has befallen me, the ocean is always there when things come tumbling down around me. It reminds me of my place in the world and how small I am, but in a good way. And if I'm small, then these life shattering problems I think I have must be absolutely minuscule. Like a grain of sand on the beach. That's what my relationship- past relationship, I corrected myself, with Daniel was. Just a grain of sand when you thought about it. It's one moment in my life among millions of moments. One day it will just blend in with all of the other moments like it was never even there. Or so I tried hard to tell myself. Right now it felt all encompassing. There wasn't a time before Daniel. But I knew in my heart there was and would be again. Just breathe, I told myself, trying to match my breaths to the slow crashing of the dark cyan waves in front of me.

I continued sitting there, letting the tears stream down my face as I thought about the complete lack of emotion in Daniel's face as he told me it was over after two years together. I thought the lack of emotion was the worst it could be, but I was wrong. Once he saw me start crying, there was an emotion creeping up after all. My stomach dropped when I registered what it was. Disgust. The more I asked about what had gone wrong and if there was someone else, the more the disgust heightened in his face and the more I could see him disassociating from me and my tears. It wasn't like I was begging him to stay. I just wanted to know why he suddenly was done, with no attempt to work on things or tell me what had gone wrong for him. All he could say was he just didn't love me anymore and maybe never did. In that moment, he couldn't have hurt me more if he had slapped me across the face. I remember sucking in a deep breath and then saying goodbye as I walked as fast as I could to my car, head throbbing and a searing pain ripping through my chest. As I walked out the door, he called that he would be gone when I returned, so not to worry. The look of relief on his face that this was over for him made me nauseated.

I walked faster and fumbled with my keys until I found the right one. I shoved into the car and yanked my seat belt across me, throwing the car into reverse. I got about 3 blocks away before I had to pull over and break down into sobs, but at least I got that far. I couldn't let him see me cry anymore. I didn't want to see disgust for me on the face that I had loved so wholly. If I had to see it again, I was going to vomit up what little was in my stomach. After about 30 minutes of body-wracking sobs, I emptied the contents of my stomach in the patch of grass next to the road anyway. Putting the car into drive again, I didn't consciously know where I was going until I pulled up to the parking lot at the pier.

And now here I was. Feeling much more centered and calm than 30 minutes ago, but still more lost than I had felt in my whole life. It was dusk and there weren't a lot of people on the beach. A few joggers and couples walking their dogs. The latter were painful to watch so I kept my eyes on the relentless waves. I was staring at the Pacific Ocean through swollen, bleary eyes when I first saw him.

I heard a seagull cry behind me and instinctively turned around to the noise. A thin guy making his way down the sand near the rocks behind me caught my eye. Usually, my natural shyness would tend to have me looking away from strangers as soon as possible, but something about this guy's clothes and mannerisms caught my eye.

He was wearing a red flannel jacket, quilted boots, white sweatpants, and a beanie with a little poof on top. I didn't think I had it in me to smile, but the corner of my lips twitched at the full picture he made walking along the beach in that outfit. It definitely peaked my curiosity, since it was a chilly evening, for sure, but far from winter gear weather. What kept me watching him in fascination was his attitude.

If I had the troubles of the world on my shoulders, this guy was my polar opposite. He strolled down the beach, almost skipping while humming, like he didn't have a single care in the world. I continued to watch him from the corner of my eyes, pulling my knees up to my chest. He seemed to be searching for the perfect place in the sand, before finally putting down two small rocks and wedging his phone between them. He then backed away from his phone's camera and spun in a circle gleefully, the small happy noises he was emitting reaching me on the wind.

Almost without realizing it, the corner of my lips drew up in a small grin. I envied this stranger his easygoing nature. I tried not to stare but I felt compelled to keep watching as he looked out at the ocean in pure bliss, something we had in common. Then he began what could only be described as a flying airplane gesture with his arms out like a little kid pretending to fly, before going back to his phone and fiddling with it and then pulling an instant camera out of his pocket.

I realized I was staring and went to looking back at the ocean, wiggling my toes in the sand in front of me. Soon I would need to move as it was growing darker, but I felt rooted to the spot. I was clinging to that sense of calm I'd gained while staring at the waves and knew the nausea and hopelessness would return as soon as I stepped foot in our or rather, my empty apartment. Daniel and I had only moved in together recently and that seemed to be when the decline started, if a time could be pinpointed. I drew in a ragged breath, sounding like I had a cold. My nose was stopped up and I was groggy from crying.

"Helllooooo," a voice from behind me almost sang in a cutesy way. I jumped about a foot in the air, startled from my depressing thoughts and sure enough, it was the guy I had been watching. His black mask he'd been wearing was pulled under his chin. But the smile he'd worn when he came over was gone and in its place, his mouth made a giant O shape and his eyes were wide. I must have startled him when I jumped, as he also jumped back for a moment and let out a tiny and heavily accented, "oh shit."

I regained my composure and attempted a smile, which I was afraid came out as more of a grimace, squeaking out a very small and gravely "hi" back. My throat was sore from crying and my voice seemed to be worn out too. He quickly regained his composure and with a soft smile, crouched down beside me and asked in a slightly lower voice than I'd heard him use, "You okay?" as he tilted his head to the side.

"Yeah, fine," I tried to say but my voice cracked.

His eyes softened as he took in my swollen and blotchy face. I pulled in on myself and naturally let my hair cover more of my face. It wasn't hard as I had a lot of hair and the breeze was sweeping it out from behind my ears on its own. Feeling uncomfortable that he was feeling sorry for me, I said the first thing I could think of. "Need me to take a picture of you with the sunset?" He seemed for a minute like he saw straight through me, but then smiled a radiant smile and said in an adorable accent I couldn't place, "Ah thank you! Thank you!" as he shoved the instant camera that he'd removed from his pocket earlier at me.

I gave him a small smile and as he directed me where to stand, he went and stood in front of me with his back to the ocean and posed cutely with a peace sign next to his eyes. I couldn't help but smile a little at the adorable aura he had about him and sweetness that seemed to emanate from him. Once the button was pressed, I heard the sound of the picture popping out from the camera and I handed it to him. He took the picture, shook it a minute, and then examined it thoughtfully with a grin before showing me my work. It had turned out really nicely, actually. The sun hit his back behind his head at just the right angle and it looked almost artistic, although I certainly hadn't intended anything of the sort when I took it.

"Good eye! You've got a good eye! " he said, enthusiastically pointing to his own round eyes and miming a thumbs up. I giggled at his actions. Everything he did was so animated, like a cartoon character come to life. When I giggled, he smiled another radiant and somewhat breathtaking smile and I felt a small warmth in my chest spring up.

Realizing we were staring, I gave a small wave and started to turn around and make my way back to the car, but he stopped me with a question. "Do you like coffee?" he asked in that cute little accented voice he used, tilting his head to the side again and smiling down at me.

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A/N:

Thank you so much for trying out my story! It begins kind of slow but I promise, it's just building. If you enjoyed the first chapter, please vote and comment! Borahae 💜💜💜