That's Ma Name (Edited)

Chapter Twenty Two

I woke groggily to someone shaking my shoulders. Ouch, why did I hurt so much. I ached all over. I opened my eyes and noticed I had fallen asleep on the kitchen floor. The past 24 hours flashed through my head. The performance. The green room. Him lying on the floor. The hospital. The noises. The god awful smell. The continuous bleeping. The chaos. And finally, the devastation.

That was the worst part to remember. Waking up in that waiting room. The doctor dressed in a shirt and tie waiting for me in the cold consultation room. Waiting for all of us. I remember exactly what he said.

"Cameron's body couldn't deal with everything that had happened in the past 12 hours. The seizure was his brain shutting down. He went instantly. I'm sorry for your loss."

That speech will be forever etched into my brain. He's gone. It killed him. Just like I knew it would.

"Rowan!" Jessie muttered, clicking her fingers in front of my face. I blinked slowly and looked at her.

"Baby, go to the shower and I'll bring you food," she sighed. Trying to haul me from my spot on the kitchen floor. She walked me upstairs and into the bathroom where she had laid me out clothes and towels before returning to the kitchen.

I absentmindedly stepped into the shower. The hot jets pouring into my back. I just stood there. Forever. Well until the water started getting cold. I got out and wrapped the towel around my shoulders. Then I spotted the clothes Jess had left out for me. The dance sweats Cameron got me for Christmas. I sunk to the floor crying, again for god knows how long.

"Rowan, are you okay? You've been in there for over an hour now." Jessie called before coming in. She crouched down beside me, taking my face in her hands. "It's going to get better baby. I promise." She said before hauling me from the ground and taking me to our bedroom.

Here she dried me off and put me into my clothes, different ones from those she'd laid out in the bathroom and brought me a sandwich. I just lay back on the bed. Thinking. For who knows how long.

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"Hey, babe. How about we go for a walk today? You've hardly moved in four days." Jessie asked.

I responded how I responded for last four days. I didn't.

"Rowan, talk to me please. Even look at me?" Jessie pleaded. She sounded hurt. "I hate knowing there's nothing I can do to help you. I really miss you baby."

I still didn't budge.

"It's his funeral tomorrow." She stated. This drew my attention. I turned my head slightly. She ran her hand through my hair. "You better book a plane ticket." I closed my eyes.

"You are going aren't you?" Jessie asked me.

"Yeah," I croaked after not talking for four straight days. "You'll come with yeah?"

"Of course baby."

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The next morning we set of at 9 on the plane and checked into our hotel shortly after. We went to my mums after that. I hated it. Knowing he was lying in a cold wooden crate somewhere in the house made me sick. The amount of people already dressed in black repulsed me and he wasn't being laid to rest for another two hours yet. So I got out if there. I went to the nearest pub and that's where I spend the next four hours. Until I received the 37th call from Jessie.

"Hello," I answered in a slurred manner.

"Rowan," Jessie exhaled, sounding quite relieved. "Where are you?"

"Baby, shh. You're hot but shh," I grumbled.

"Rown, where are you. I'm picking you up," she sternly informed me.

"Pub." I replied.

"Which one Row?" She asked.

"The old one which Cameron got into," I sighed.

A few minutes later Jessie showed up and dragged me out of the bar and into the car before taking me to the hotel.

"What the hell are you doing?! We are supposed to be in the church in half an hour Rowan. How are  you supposed to go to a church in this state. Drink this, take those and get in there," she instructed, informing me to drink the glass of water, take the tablets an get into the shower.

After 45 minutes I was ready to go. I was still pretty drunk however, Jessie sprayed enough perfume on me to make it bearable to sit beside me.

The minister got up to say whatever the hell he had to say. But when my mum stood up the tears began to stream. I didn't even hear what she had to say through my sobs. And when we walked to his grave Jessie had to direct me because of the liquid blocking my view. When the coffin was lowered everyone threw some soil in and left. I sat on the ground dangling my legs into the hole and pulled the flask from my pocket taking a swing. The harsh liquid burned the whole way down my throat.

"I know if you were here now you'd be sneaking a swing or ten off me. And I wouldn't tell mum because you'd get me into bother for having it in the first place. I'm going to get in bother anyways but I'd prefer if you were here doing it for me. I miss you Cam. So much already. What am I going to do without you? Where am I going to go? I love you wee man." I chugged the rest of my flask before dropping it on-top of the soil that had already been placed down there. "Sleep tight little fella," I cried, before dosing off on the cold muddle ground myself.

"Rowan. Rowan, baby wake up. It's cold out here. Let's get you back to the hotel."

Jessie got me in the car and fastened the seat belt. I cried the hole way to the hotel. And the whole way to our room. Jessie wet to order room service. And I went to get changed. I slouched onto the bed in front of the mirror. I was a mess. Mascara down my face, dirt all over my crisp white shirt. My hair was a mess. I went to wipe my face.

"Don't worry about that baby. Just get some rest." Jessie said pulling me up onto the bed to lie with her.

"I miss him so much Jess." I cried.

"I know."

"I'm sorry for today," I continued.

"It's okay babe. I'm here," she soothed.

"Screw having a shoulder to cry on, I have my Jessie." I whispered before I fell fast asleep.