𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐎'𝐒 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 || 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐲𝐮𝐮

𝟑𝟒✮𝐒𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐛𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞✮

tw: indications of self harm

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"Y/N."

You hummed in response to Hanaki's call, not turning your gaze away from the window as she drove you both to Shinzen.

"You know you have to tell them, right?" She knowingly said before glancing at you for a second. You remained unfazed, "Yeah."

"So are you going to?"

You looked at the rearview mirror and saw that she was also looking at you, concern in her eyes. A sad smile formed on your lips as you placed your chin on your palm with your elbow propped on the car's door. You didn't answer, but that was enough for Hanaki to understand.

The rest of the drive was silent, the light music playing from your playlist that was connected to the car speakers playing softly. The silence was favorable though. After everything that happened and the thoughts in your head, you didn't have the energy to socialize for now.

Although you do need it for later.

Today was the last day of training camp and the day when you all have to go back to Miyagi. And since it was the last day, you proposed to have a big barbeque today to the coaches. They wholeheartedly agreed with the proposal also because of the thought of the delicious barbeque. You shouldered everything that was needed, food, utensils, and drinks, while the coaches took care of the other things.

It was almost lunch and the barbeque will start in a few minutes. You didn't attend morning practice since you had to go somewhere important first. But, you will join the others on the plane back to Miyagi since your brother hasn't fully healed yet so you still have to continue coaching them.

Honestly, this whole training camp made the stress that you once released before come back. It's been months since you felt this stressed and it was even worse than before.

But, it was expected.

You were never able to properly handle stress. You were always chill and well-prepared. At a young age, you were strictly taught how procrastination is a big thorn in your life, thus, causing you to become used to planning ahead, keeping a calm mind, and avoiding stressful situations.

But with everything that happened, how could you not be stressed?

That's why you didn't attend the training session last Monday and yesterday. You needed time to recompose yourself and think things through after the stressful situations you were put in.

And the fact that Hanaki basically forbid you to come to training without getting one whole day of rest.

What happened yesterday with Oikawa was completely unplanned. After briefly telling the coaches about what happened and giving your brother the peace he needed from what happened to you last Tuesday, Hanaki made you go back to her car since she had to talk to them too. You just happened to pass the gym when you heard sounds from inside despite the time. Curiously, you went inside and...you all know what happened next.

You didn't intend on helping Oikawa honestly. You could've booked it when you saw who was inside since he probably hasn't seen you that well, but when you heard his groan of pain, something inside you automatically made you stop from doing so and attend to him.

It was as if the moment you heard his sounds of pain, your feet felt heavier if you went in the direction away from the gym and not inside, an awful feeling rising in your chest along with it. You knew it was guilt.