*Completed*Sex On The Beach~ Taeten

32

He pulled a sealed envelope from the brown box that had held the pill bottle and set it on the desk. It was a plain, white envelope, with 'To who finds me first ' neatly printed on the front in pencil. Inside was a handwritten letter to the family he had grown.

"Dear everyone,

I don't really know what to say. How does someone go about writing a suicide note? I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough. Good enough. I'm sorry for being so fucked up. I'm sorry you had to deal with me. I'm sorry for bothering you. I'm sorry for everything. It's all just apologies, isn't it? Sorry after sorry after sorry. I guess when you're a fuck-up, you have a lot of things to be sorry about.

Thank you so much for everything. Honestly, you have no idea how much you meant to me. The only good memories I have of the past six years are being with Ten and helping you all. But, seriously, thank you. I cannot express how fucking grateful I am.
You're probably wondering why I finally decided to kill myself. I don't even know where to start on that. I guess it all started when my Ten died, about a month after. That's when I first started feeling depressed. I brushed it off as nothing important. No one needed to know, so I didn't tell anyone. All of a sudden, my depression got 1000 times worse. It was our anniversary of our first date. I started cutting. At first, it was a small cut every now and then. Soon, it was slicing up my wrist multiple times a day. I started experiencing suicide thoughts for the first time. Not enough to act on them, but they were there. Mild suicidal ideation, they call it.

And now, today. Every day, I slice my wrist up, trying to get rid of the pain. Trying to feel something other than this fucking numbness. I barely feel real anymore. Every day, I have panic attacks In my room at night. Every day, I wake up wishing I didn't. I didn't ask for this, not for ten to leave. I didn't want this. Why couldn't u be happy for once  Is that too much to ask?

I'm sorry, everybody. I'm so sorry. I don't want to go. I just want to get better. But I know it can't get better. This is the only way. So don't mourn. Don't cry. Don't pity me. I don't deserve it.

- L.T - your leader