Moonlight: A BL Fanfiction

Chapter 10

"I am not sexually attracted to any individual. But I am sexually attracted to myself. It's called autosexuality. I don't know if you know about it," Pin Jun revealed.

Hai Qing was silent, waiting for Pin Jun to say more about it. This was new to Hai Qing. He had heard about people being sexually attracted to themselves but he thought it was just a fetish and that these people were also attracted to others. But Pin Jun said he is only attracted to himself, not towards others.

Hai Qing had never met someone before who is autosexual.

Pin Jun continued, understanding that Hai Qing needs more information, "I have never felt any sort of physical attraction looking at anyone but I am not asexual because I get sexually attracted looking at myself and I masturbate after that. I get stimulated by myself."
He didn't know how else to explain it.

Hai Qing got that part but his attraction for Pin Jun was not just sexual. It was beyond the physical aspects. He asked, "That's about your sexuality. Okay, I get that. What about love? Feelings?"

"I don't like the concept of love and I don't feel love in that way for anyone. I guess I am not made for love. Haven't felt love for anyone ever."

Hai Qing stood there in front of him, silent.

Pin Jun said, "The highest position one can get to in my life is probably being my best friend. And you are my best friend. But I can not give you what you want. I can't give you love and I can't give you the sexual pleasure you would want from your partner. I am incapable of providing you with both of those things."

Hai Qing now spoke, inquiring, "And how do you feel about Yan Fei and I dating?"

Pin Jun laughed a little, trying to hide it at the same time and replied, "I know that you are not dating him. It was obvious to me that you two are faking it. You went into the washroom in tears, being hurt and came out dating him? It was hilarious. I was keeping a straight face, trying hard not to laugh out loud."

Hai Qing looked up at him in surprise. Pin Jun noticed he cried and also spotted the fake storyline.  What an intelligent bastard!

Pin Jun continued, "Yes, I saw that you were in tears. You went in and you found him there. And you come out and announce you two are dating. It doesn't happen like that. This isn't a TV show. Also Yan Fei would have told me if he was going to propose to you to be in a relationship with him. He has consulted with me through every step so far. He is trying his best to woo you."

Pin Jun went silent for a moment. Hai Qing stood there, looking out the window, trying to process everything.

An old man was playing the flute outside on the street and walking by. The melodious sound of flute filled the gap created by their silence.

Pin Jun then said, "Maybe you should date Yan Fei for real. Maybe he can give you what you want. Try dating him."

Pin Jun felt hurt while saying this. He felt bad that he was hurting Hai Qing by rejecting him. He never wanted to be the reason for Hai Qing's pain. He felt terrible. He felt it was somehow his fault that Hai Qing felt heart-broken.

A tear left Pin Jun's eye. Hai Qing saw it and his heart broke into a million pieces. He didn't want Pin Jun to feel this way for his one-sided love. This was painful for him.

Both of them stood there looking at each other as the old man kept playing his enchanting heartfelt music on the street.