Chapter 8
Have you ever felt invisible like everyone glazed over me, I felt so small and I don't know if I was imagining it and that's what made it worse. His parents barely acknowledged me, Zuko sat across from me and his Dad sat on the chair next to me and his mother next to Zuko on the other side. I closed my eyes and opened them again. They were talking but I honestly didn't know about what, I have known him long enough to know when he is uncomfortable and he was still fine. I stared at him and it's like he could feel my eyes on him because he looked my way and smiled;
" Are you okay?"
He asked and I replied "No"
He looked at his parents and then back at me.
Zuko" I need to go, but I would love to have you over at our new place"
His mother was visibly disgusted by the entire thing and she was about to ruin her relationship with her son if she says what she is thinking. When she opened her mouth, I spoke first;
" Or not, You don't have to be around me. I don't expect you to welcome me into your family"
I said and his mother asked;
"What are your expectations? Ndothuka nale yakho yobalapha because uyinkazana wena ye ndoda etshatile! Phof as far as I know you are dependent on Zuko, you both had an affair that broke Samke's heart and now you are parading and pouncing around sharing your pregnancy with a married man without any care about his reputation or the humiliation it will cause Samke"
She said and I scoffed because does this woman think I make all these decisions alone and Zuko is some victim?? Because her son is no victim.
Me" I didn't have an affair with Zuko, andiyo nkazana. I didn't initiate anything that was all him without an coercion from me!"
" As for me being dependent on him, I am not though. You look down on me because I was his maid for so long? You never got off your high horse to actually speak to me like a normal human being, then you'd know I am proud to have been a maid to help my mother and while cleaning after them, I was also getting my BAS honors in Architecture. I didn't even wanna come here, Zuko made me because he somehow believed that you'd be at least kind because I am pregnant but all you did was act like I am not here the entire time. Well now you don't have to act, I am leaving. I hope you heal and change whatever narrative you have about me being the reason why they divorced because that had nothing to do with me"
I know black mother's never back down. I was raised by one, so when she started shouting I knew there was no winning apha.
" Voestek! Ulihule! How do we even know ngumntana ka Zuko lowo! Rha sies! Uyavuya wena ucinga uzokondlwa ngunyana wam!! Unganya kum!"
"Zuko! Phuma kule njakazi!"
She was shouting a lot of unkind things, her husband tried to stop her. I took my jacket from the chair and left, I wasn't familiar with the area but I knew I would find a taxi. In PE you will always find a taxi even in the fancy suburbs. I didn't wait for Zuko, I didn't cry, I didn't run. I just walked out, like I predicted after walking for 5 minutes I saw a taxi and stopped it. I didn't know ndiyaphi but I was was not staying for that shit. I don't have to tolerate name calling for the sake of love.
#
DAY 19
" Morning baby cakes"
Ezile said and I smiled at her, she handed me a cup of tea. And I said "thank you". I ended up at her place because Zuko didn't know it. He knows mine so obviously he would go check there first, I texted him though yesterday "I am safe. I need a break" and then switched off my phone.
Ezile" I am off to work, I will see you nge lunch yam"
Me" I have to go to the doctor, I need my keys and they are at Zuko's place"
Ezile" Want me to ask Busi to fetch everything for you"
Me" Can I ask you something?"
She nodded
" Why don't you judge me about Zuko?"
Ezile" It's not my place to judge you"
Me" Say it was"
Ezile" I can't judge something I don't understand. I know you and I know the type of person you are, so when you ran off with him, I was confused because it was out of character"
" Then Busi said something that made me understand the situation better, if you can take a risk for love or just for him, then maybe he is what you always needed to start living your life. You were always on the side lines and hid from the world, and woke up parts of you that we didn't know even exist. In a matter of days, so imagining how he could wake you up from the dead made me feel comfortable with him being with you. Do I think you will get hurt? Yes but I also think you will experience the best love life has to offer and for that? Just that alone. I am rooting for you"
Me" Thank you because I am tired of apologizing for loving him. I am exhausted Ezile, I hate myself for loving him. I feel so alone and I know you guys are here but I was afraid that you were also secretly judging me. I feel like I am losing everyone"
"His mother was so rude to me, the things Sabelo said to me..... I have been humiliated so much...... I am tired.... I can't anymore....."
Ezile" Sukhala"
She gave me a hug, I hate how no one has the same energy for Zuko. Literally just me who gets the backlash but not him.
Me" I am sorry..."
Ezile" You will be okay Azange, you'll see. You'll make a great mom, even without him, you'll still be fine. Because he is just an extension of you. Even without Zuko, you'll still be you and that my friend is all you need in life. Your strength and resilience"
She left for work and I borrowed her clothes, then switched on my phone to call Zuko.
Me" Hey"
Zuko" Uphi?"
Me" Kwa Ezile"
" Are you busy?"
Zuko" You want me to come fetch you?"
Me" No, I need my documents in my overnight bag and if you can meet me at the doctor"
Zuko" Okay"
" You ran"
Me" I had to"
Zuko" Can you postpone your appointment then come home instead"
Me" Okay"
Zuko" Want me to fetch you?"
Me" I'll Uber"
Zuko" Okay"
*
I knew Zuko and I were about to have our first big argument. I was ready for it and I was okay with it.
" You couldn't clear your mind and come home?"
He asked
Me" No, I couldn't because I was angry at you Zuko and you don't seem to understand that"
Zuko" Why are you angry at me?"
Me" You kept quiet while your mother called me names. And I find it suspect that you did that yet when my mother was attacking you, I stood up for you because we are in this together"
Zuko" I stood up for you"
" You just left me. Slept at your friends place which makes this entire thing even worse"
Me" For who? Worse for you? Because mna Zuko it has been shit for me since day 1. You don't get the amount of backlash that I do"
Zuko" Are you sure??? Because I protect you so much that you don't know what I deal with just to keep this place our safe haven"
" It's not easy for me too! I am tired of fighting them and now I have to fight you too?"
Me" You should have just left me alone"
Zuko" Maybe I should have"
