All I Need

Chapter 42 - Secrets

Elias

I often forgot I had a large scar on the left side of my face that cut through my eye, part of my eyebrow, and some of my cheek.

Only because I couldn't see it unless I was looking in a mirror. I didn't look at myself a lot, as I never thought there was much to see.

It made me insecure to a degree. I would get stares in public, mainly from children. They would whisper to their parents, asking what it was and why I had it, like an adult would have the whole explanation they were searching for.

People would also ask what happened if they were bold enough. I would tell them that I got into a car accident, and that was the only mark on my body that wouldn't go away. Most were satisfied with that lie, and some would do a double-take and realize the cut could have only come from a knife, but they wouldn't pry any further. They didn't really want to know.

I didn't like the way I looked. I didn't see myself as an attractive person, even from the age of fourteen. So when Daniel cut me and the scar stayed, I felt like it made me a lot uglier than I already thought I was.

When people pointed it out, and especially if they touched it, only bad memories came to mind. It reminded me that I didn't have a perfect face. It reminded me that my self-confidence was lower than everyone else's. It reminded me that my brother used to take my beatings to protect me and that in turn, it was technically my fault. I was hurting Daniel.

I appreciated the people who saw past my face. They saw me for who I was on the inside, even though it wasn't much better than the outside.

My mother saw me as her son. Alexander saw me as his best friend. And Kaia, well I wasn't exactly sure how she saw me, but I knew it felt good. When she looked at my face, it felt good. It felt like I was being admired. Like I was cared for, and that she didn't mind my physical form. That was important. She was important to me.

"I don't have a story off the top of my head..." she trailed, finally removing her hand from my face. "But you can ask me something and I'll answer."

I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Tell me about your family."

Family was always something that intrigued me. Family shaped personality, and it's hard not to inherit traits from your parents or your siblings. You grew up around them for your whole childhood. They have more of an effect on you than anything else.

"My family." Kaia chuckled nervously, turning away so she didn't have to make eye contact. "Well, my mother is dead, my brother is dead, and I don't have an amazing relationship with my father."

Holy fuck.

I...I didn't know that. I had no idea.

What was I supposed to say? I mean, I asked the question... I wanted the answer, and now I didn't know how to respond. A sorry wasn't enough. It was never enough. I knew that better than anyone. But I just didn't expect that, I didn't react well to tragedy.

"I..." don't be inconsiderate, Elias. Say something comforting. "That is very unfortunate... my condolences, Kaia."

She finally met my gaze, and the overwhelming sense of grief almost made it impossible to breathe. I wondered if this was what it felt like when I told her about my family.

"It was a long time ago. My mother passed when I was ten or eleven... I'm not sure exactly. Those years are very hazy for me." She pushed a lock of hair out of her face and let go of me completely. "And my brother was two years ago, so I guess that's not that long."