All I Need

Chapter 48 - If Only

Elias

What makes a grown man want to cry?

Women are often painted as emotional beings, but I find that men are the same. Most of the time even worse, and it was clear that I was one of the worse ones.

I watched Kaia's figure disappear when the elevator doors closed. I watched a single tear roll down her cheek like that was truly the last time I would ever see her face.

Even after she was gone, I continued to stand there for a while. It took about fifteen minutes for me to muster the effort and move my feet. I got into the elevator and pushed my floor.

Whatever happens between me and Mr. Torres, I will miss him more than anything on this earth.

Really?

Would she really miss me that much?

By the time I made it back to my apartment, my head hurt like crazy. Like my brain was moving inside my skull.

I walked to my kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Advil from the cupboard. How many was I supposed to take? I wasn't sure, but I was in a rush, so I decided to take a handful and hope for the best. I just wanted the pounding to stop. I just wanted to sleep it off and regroup later. I popped the pills and washed them back with the rest of the rum I had earlier.

That wouldn't be enough. I needed more.

Staring at the alcohol cabinet in my living room, I crossed my arms over my chest. There was nothing left. I finished all of it. How did I do that? I never let myself have absolutely no drinks in my apartment. I considered it a crime. It should be fucking illegal.

Since I didn't feel like going to get more, I resorted to my emergency stash. I went to my room and crouched down beside my bed, retrieving the alcohol that I had hidden under there two years ago. It was a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label, a twelve-year-old scotch that contained about forty different whiskies.

It was one of my brother's favourites. When he died, I bought the bottle and kept it in my room, occasionally pulling it out and looking at it when I thought of him. I should have saved it a little longer, but as they say, desperate times call for desperate measures.

I just wanted to forget that I even saw Kaia today. That I spoke to her, and that she was most likely going to leave my hotel forever without another word. After all, that was what I told her to do. I told her to go.

There was no denying the truth now. Even though she didn't admit to anything, it was clear as day who she was. I just wasn't ready to believe or accept it.

Unscrewing the cap of the scotch and sitting on the edge of my bed, I took a swig and pulled my phone out. I needed to talk to him. Even though he wouldn't answer and he would never know what I said, deep down it felt like he was listening. I just wanted to hear his voice again.

I dialled his number. It went to voicemail.

"This is Daniel Torres, if you have nothing important to say then please don't leave a message."

"Hey, Dan... it's me again, it's Eli."

Everyone knew I hated that nickname. Even though Daniel knew, he still called me Eli. I always thought he was trying to piss me off, it took me a while to realize he secretly liked it. He thought it was special. He liked it because he knew I wouldn't let anyone else other than my family members call me that.

"I know I say this every time I call, but I miss you." I paused for a moment. The grief began crawling up the back of my throat when I got no response. "Ha sido muy difícil sin ti."