After We Ended

28.

Maaga akong nagising para magluto ng umagahan. I ended up sleeping in Jace's living room, ayaw ko nang bumiyahe kagabi dahil 11 na.

I received a text from Ma'am Lena, saying that I can take the day of daw as a thank you for accompanying Jace.

It's weird that she sent that around 11 in the evening. Pero siguro, busy lang talaga siya at tsaka niya lang naharap sabihin.

I tied my hair into a bun and tried looking for something to cook. May nakita akong itlog at hotdog. May bacon din kaya 'yun nalang ang niluto ko.

Nang makahain ako ay pumunta ako sa kwarto niya para silipin kung gising na si Jace.

Kinapa ko ang leeg at noo niya para tignan kung nilalagnat ba siya, medyo mainit siya kaya kaagad akong nag-alala. He's still asleep kaya naisip kong gisingin na.

"Hey, Jace. Wake up." mahina kong tinapik ang pisngi niya para magising siya.

He groaned and shifted his position and covered his body with his comforter. Napasimangot ako at kaagad na tinanggal 'yon

"Gumising ka na para makakain ka at makainom ka na ng gamot." sabi ko at tinapik siya ulit.

Bahagya niyang minulat ang mga mata niya. "Elise?" he asked, his voice was groggy.

"Hmm, gising na. Nagluto na ako ng umagahan." I told him.

Nag-unat siya at umupo mula sa pagkakahiga. He stared at me for a long while before chuckling and shaking his head.

Napasandal siya sa head board ng kama niya. "I'm hallucinating again." he sighed and reached to caress my cheek.

Natulala ako at hindi na nakagalaw.

"I miss you." he sighed. "Eli ko, b-bakit mo kasi ako iniwan noon?" his voice broke.

Napanganga ako nang bigla siyang umiyak. Napayuko siya at nagpunas ng luha. He reached for the frame on his nightstand, the same one I saw last night.

He caressed my face and smiled sadly, then he looked back at me. "M-Miss na miss na kita." his eyes watered and his tears fell again.

Napaluha ako at mataman siyang tinignan.

"H-Hindi kita kayang pakawalan, Elise. Balik ka nalang sa'kin, please. Balik na tayo sa dati, parang awa mo na." he sobbed and hugged the frame.

Kaagad kong pinunasan ang mga luha ko at lumapit sa kanya.

He kept on sobbing while hugging the frame. He looks like a lost child looking for his family. He looks like a homeless man looking for a home.

"K-Kung may nagawa ako noon, sorry. Kung hindi kita napaglaanan ng oras, Elise, sorry. Patawarin mo ako, please."

Tuluyan akong naiyak at walang pagdadalawang isip na yinakap siya. Kaagad niya akong yinakap pabalik at sumiksik sa leeg ko.

"I-I'm sorry." he continued to mutter. Napailing ako at hinaplos ang buhok niya.

"Wala kang kasalanan, Jace. W-Wala." I said softly, my tears were falling continously.

"Dito ka lang... 'wag ka na alis." he muttered softly.

I wanted to give in. I wanted to say yes so bad. But I fear that maybe, he's still drunk. Mamaya, makakalimutan niya na ulit. I fell for that once, I don't want to go through that again.

"K-Kain na tayo." I told him. Tumango siya at nagpunas ng luha.

He was staring at me intently, as if memorizing me kaya napaiwas ako ng tingin. Nauna akong humiwalay sa kanya at tumayo. Lumabas ako ng kwarto niya at iniwan siya doon para ayusin ang pagkain namin.

"Are you real?"

Napaangat ako ng tingin nang tanungin niya 'yon. "I am. You're not hallucinating." I chuckled lightly.

Napakurap siya. "Aalis ka din ba kapag natapos 'to? Kapag okay na ako, iiwan mo na ba ako ulit?"

Pain struck my chest. Napaiwas ako ng tingin at tumikhim. "Kain na tayo, para makainom ka ma ng gamot." I said instead.

"Ayaw ko. Sasamahan lang kita pero hindi ako kakain."

"Jace, hindi p'wede. Nilalagnat ka oh. Paano ka gagaling niyan?" sinamaan ko siya ng tingin at linagyan ng kanin amg plato niya.

Tahimik niya 'yong tinulak palayo. "Ayaw kong gumaling." mahinang bulong niya.

"At bakit naman? Tignan mo oh, halos wala nang kulay 'yang katawan mo." panenermon ko.

"You'll leave once I get better." nag-iwas siya ng tingin at huminga ng malalim. "I can't watch you leave me again."

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "Kaya ipapahamak mo nalang 'yang sarili mo? Eh kung iwan kaya kita mag-isa dito ngayon?"

"Then leave. Now. If you want to, you're free to go. I don't want to have the strength to chase after you when I get better. It's better for you to leave while I'm still weak."

Napanganga ako sa sinabi niya at mahina siyang sinapok. "Kakain ka o isusuksok ko 'to sa bunganga mo?" banta ko at tinutok sa bunganga niya ang kutsara na may ulam at kanin.

"Just leave, Elise." he sighed.

"Akala ko ba gusto mo akong bumalik sa'yo? Bakit mo ako pinapaalis ngayon? Ang gulo mo kasi Jace eh. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba talagang gusto mo. Do you still love me? Or do you hate me? Kasi hindi ko maintindihan. You keep on telling me to stay but then the next moment, you'll ask me to leave." hindi ko mapigilang nasabi. Padabog kong binaba ang kutsara at tumayo ng maayos.

"You want me to leave? Then fine, I'll leave." seryosong sabi ko at pumunta sa salas para kunin ang mga gamit ko.

Palabas na ako ng pinto nang hapitin niya ang baywang ko at niyakap ako mula sa likod. He buried his head on my neck as he pulled me closer.

"I'm sorry, please don't." mahinang sabi niya. I felt his tears on my shoulder kaya nanghihina akong mapasandal sa dibdib niya.

"Ano ba talagang gusto mo, Jace? Gulong-gulo na ako." mahinang bulong ko.

Pinihit niya ako paharap sa kanya. He cupped my cheeks and stared at me intently. Then, in one swift move, he claimed my lips.

I tried pulling away but he held my wrist and pulled me closer to him. Napapikit ako, finally surrendering myself and kissing him back.

We were both breathless as we stared at each other after that. He sighed heavily and rested his forehead on mine, then, he caressed my cheeks.

"Mahal kita, Eli ko. And I want you to stay... Please stay." mahinang sabi niya at humawak sa leeg ko bago hinalikan ang noo koo.

I closed my eyes and held his wrists. His lips stayed on my forehead for a while and I've never felt so at ease my whole life.

How can I still leave when all I ever longed for was for him to hold me again like this?

All I ever wanted was to have him again. And this time, I won't do the same mistake again. I won't let him slip away again.

"I'll stay." I finally said. "I won't leave this time."