After We Ended

10.

I walked out. I don't know what has gotten into me but I did.

When I got inside our room, I cried. So hard. The last time I cried like this was seven years ago. Before we broke up.

Gulong-gulo ako sa mga nararamdan ko pero sigurado akong nasasaktan ako.

Mahal ko pa ba siya? Hindi ko alam.

For the past two months, we became closer again. At aaminin ko, naging masaya ako. We became friends again. But somehow, my heart yearns for more than that. It wants more than friendship.

It was just too sudden. Pabago-bago ang mood ko, pati ang nararandaman ko. One moment, I'm happy with him and the next, it just feels awkward.

Aaminin ko, simula nang maghiwalay kami ni Jace ay hindi ko na sinubok mag mahal ulit. At first, I told myself that I was just busy and it's not my priority. But now, I'm starting to realize that maybe, I just wasn't ready to love someone else. Maybe, I still love him and I was just confused all these years.

Natigil ako nang may biglang kumatok sa pinto. I wiped my tears first before opening up.

"Are you okay?" salubong na tanong ni Shiela. The four of them were all outside and they looked so worried.

"I'm fine, inaantok lang." tipid kong sabi at bumalik sa kama. They sighed and went inside before closing the door.

Sinamahan nila ako sa kama, si Tessa ay hinwakan pa ang kamay ko.

"I know this is about what Jace said." Diane mumbled.

"It hurts. And I don't understant why it hurts." I admitted.

"Do you still love him?" marahang tanong ni Tessa at pinisil ang kamay ko.

"I-I don't know. Naguguluhan ako. Alam ko sa sarili kong hindi ko na siya mahal pero kagabi... 'nung tinanong niya kung ano nangyari sa'min, sobra akong nasaktan." I cried and covered my mouth with my other palm.

"I thought to myself, how did we end up like this? We had so many plans. We had so many dreams together. I don't even remember how I had the courage to break up with him before. Mahal na mahal ko siya noon pero bakit biglang nawala? Hindi ko maintindihan. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko. Bakit ko siya hinayaang mawala noon?" I sobbed.

"Aw, my love." Diane sighed and hugged me. They all hugged me to comfort me pero mas lalo akong naiyak. I just want to vent it all out tonight so I did.

"Napagod ako noon, oo. Sobra. To the point na inisip kong wala nang patutunguhan ang relasyon namin. S-Sabi ko, hindi ko na siya mahal. Pero paano kung akala ko lang pala 'yun? B-Baka naguguluhan lang ako noon."

"Maybe that's the reason why destiny made you see him again after seven years. I guess it's either you get back together, or you'll both have have closure." Shiela murmured.

"I want him back." I said so surely and wiped my tears.

"Pero wala naman na yata eh. Hindi na ako mahal no'n. Kasalanan ko din naman. It took me seven years to realize that I still love him." suminghot ako.

"You can at least try. The way he talks to you? I'm sure there's something about it. We also saw how he looked at you, Elise. He looks at you the same way he looked at you before. I do believe that deep inside, nando'n pa'rin si Sorin mo." Tessa smiled at me.

Sorin ko...

The girls stayed with me the whole night. Hindi ko alam kung saan natulog si Jace pero sigurado akong magkasama sila ni Zian.

We watched movies to distract me and I ended uo falling asleep.

The next day, we stayed at the beach as planned. We enjoyed taking photos and swimming the whole day. We also tried the resort's pools but immediately returned to enjoy the beach again. 'Nung hapon ay pinasyal namin ang buong resort para masulit ang punta at makauwi na maraming pictures na ipo-post.