Camilo's Journey

Chapter 22:

Camilo woke up the next morning feeling particularly sick. Both mentally and physically.
A cold chill had set over his body, though he could feel that he was hot at the same time.

Spencer was there in the bed, but the space between them felt like it may as well have been an ocean.

Camilo cried loud sobs that seems to  escape from his delirium.

Spencer began looking after Camilo though. without a word passing between them, Spencer collected cold compresses and pain relief medications from Camilo's bathroom.
He sat up beside Camilo when he returned and dabbed his forehead. He helped him take the medication and he held him close while cried.

But still not a word passed between them, Camilo felt like something had died between them last night and all that they had left was the ashes. But he knew he loved Spencer and he always would. He may have made it seem like he'd given up last night and maybe it was hopeless right now, but all he could think in his delirious state was that he loved Spencer. But the words died on his lips.

"Thank you." He whispered instead. Spencer looked at him with nothing he could see past tired eyes and overall sadness.

"Don't be silly Camilo, whatever happens or doesn't happen. I'll take care of you, that isn't conditional." He said with a wave of a tight smile that was gone as fast as it appeared.

"About last night.. we should.." Camilo started.
But Spencer shook his head.
"We don't have to do that now, let's focus on getting you through your fever. The rest is better sorted out when one of us isn't delirious." He said and Camilo caught a glimpse of warmth from Spencer that he wanted to hold on to. It sent him spiralling into a flurry of tears that he wasn't ready for.
Spencer just held him and brushed the curls that were starting to stick to his forehead back.

"No," Camilo said suddenly and Spencer startled. He guessed they'd been sitting in a long silence for quite sometime. But Camilo's delirious mind had come to a conclusion, in that moment he didn't care if it wasn't final, he just knew that he needed Spencer to hear his words, how he felt right then.

"Spencer, listen to me." Camilo begged and Spencer nodded. "No matter what I said, no matter what I did last night, I will never stop chasing you and I will never stop giving you everything you need. Even if you always need me to validate you, to remind you and make you feel like your seen and heard. I'll do it Spencer. We might fight, and I might be tired sometimes but I'm not going to lose you over this or anything else. You're my world Spencer, the moon, the stars and everything start with you." A weight lifted off Camilo's chest. When he looked up Spencer was laughing through tears. 

"You really are delirious. I won't hold you to your words Camilo, but I appreciate them all the same. Because that's all I ever needed from you. You can rest assured that you won't lose me." Spencer said and pressed his lips to Camilo's forehead, even if it was just to check his temperature, Spencer was there. And Camilo had no intention of ever letting him go.

***

Camilo woke up not having remembered falling asleep. He was drowned in his own sweat which meant his fever had broken at least but he still felt terrible in more ways than one. He was alone.

"You can rest assured that you won't lose me."

Those had been the words he last remembered coming out of Spencer's mouth. And he clung to them now, even when he wasn't delirious, he had meant what he'd said. He'd fight for Spencer, with all that he had.

Camilo scrambled to his feet just as his mama came through the door. She started telling him off for being out of bed but she helped him into his bathroom. He stared at her until she left him to undress on his own.

"Am I dying?" He gasped as he has to hold the towel hanger to keep his balance. He heard his mama scoff.
"Always with the drama, 'milo! No you are not dying, you've got the flu. You just need to rest and drink water." Peppa told him sternly.
Camilo nodded even though she couldn't see him.
Camilo bathed in the feeling of the cold water as it hit his still too hot skin.

"I don't know what's going on between you and Spencer, but you need each other. Even if he's not the one, that boy out there cares for you. Don't punish him for not being perfect Camilo, no one is."

Camilo sighed. So Spencer had been talking.
"He is the one!!" Camilo cried and almost slipped. "I know he's not perfect mama, nor should he think I want him to be. I love Spencer for everything that he is. Anxiety, panic attacks and self doubt included. And I told as much, but I can't make him believe me. Not after I basically gave up on him last night."

Camilo was crying in the shower now. What a cliche!! He turned off the water and wrapped himself in his huge fluffy towel.

Camilo didn't bother getting dressed, he stayed wrapped in his towel as his mama hugged him tight.

"Sometimes love is harder than we expect it to be and we say and do things that don't reflect how we really feel. Or we get caught up in the heat or a moment or even in our egos. I'm not going to tell you that you're too young to know that, because that would do more harm than good, and more importantly I don't think you're ever too young to fight for love." Peppa said as she patted Camilo's head.

She helped him get dressed, much to his disgust but he didn't have much fight left in him to protest too much.

"The most important thing 'milo, is that you take care of yourself and your happiness."
Peppa told him as she carried him to bed.
Camilo noticed she'd changed his sheets while he'd showered. His mama was the best.

Peppa laid the sheet over Camilo and kissed his forehead.
"Happy and healthy Camilo comes first, everything else can be sorted out when you feel better." She said when Camilo was on the verge of sleep. She got up and made her way to the door, but before she left Camilo heard her say.

"But Spencer says he's not going anywhere so the rest of us will look out for him."