Camilo's Journey

Chapter 34:

I think you'll be surprised. The words played over in Camilo's head as he rode the little chair up the stairs. Cindy carried the crutches and gave them to Camilo at the top of the stairs.

They'd eaten dinner and saved some for Spencer incase he wanted to eat later. But if Spencer was feeling anything like how Camilo was right now he wouldn't. Cindy left him with a sympathetic look and headed to her own room.

Camilo couldn't bring himself to move. Maybe he should have just stayed downstairs and let Spencer heal on his own. But he couldn't, even now that he knew they were over and there was nothing they could do, he still couldn't leave Spencer alone, whether he was selfish or he cared he didn't know. All he knew was that he couldn't bear to face this night alone.

He gently reached the door handle and tried to keep quiet as he awkwardly crutched through the door.
Spencer looked up slowly from his burrow of blankets. He looked absolutely spent. His red curls in disarray, his eyes drawn and his cheeks tear stained over his freckles.

He didn't say anything, he just watched Camilo set himself up on the couch. Cindy had supplied a pillow and blanket in the hope that they wouldn't share the bed but she wasn't fazed to find out they had. But now Camilo was glad for it.

"You don't have to sleep on the couch." Spencer said. His voice sounded strained and tired. Camilo shifted his gaze over to him still all burrowed up in the blanket. He couldn't look at him for too long or he knew the tears would come and not stop. So he shifted his gaze.

"You don't have to pretend that you don't think I'm an asshole." Camilo scraped out, apparently he didn't even have to look at him for the tears to start. Like he had an ounce of pride anymore anyway.

"I don't think that, will you just get over here? Even if you do wake up in the morning and still want to end all of this, just think about what I said the last time we.." Spencer couldn't seem to make himself say it. But it didn't matter Camilo knew what Spencer had said, that his care for him wasn't conditional.

Camilo tried to convince himself not to but it was barely minutes before Camilo was awkwardly staggering without his crutches and Spencer was helping him up on the bed.
They closed the space between them just about instantaneously. Both of them hanging onto each other for dear life, till they settled a comfortable hug. Camilo's head rested on Spencer's chest and listened to his heartbeat while they both cried.

"It doesn't have to be all tears, we've still got time. Why don't we make the most of the time we do have." Camilo said softly. Spencer let out a low breath.
"Why don't we just not end this at all?" Spencer said and Camilo should have seen it coming.
"Because we are sixteen, we can't just uproot our lives for each other." Camilo said. He tried to maintain the logic ground but in truth all he wanted to do was hold onto Spencer forever.

"Why can't we?" Spencer's voice quavered. "It's like you don't want to."
Camilo shook his head against the warmth of Spencer's chest.
"Of course I want to, Spence. Don't be silly." Camilo sighed. "But we have only been with each other, we don't want to hold each other back from life because the first time we both fell in love we couldn't let it go."

Camilo added but as soon as he did it felt so wrong to say, like a gut punch to his stomach and his heart being ripped out simultaneously. But he had to believe it right? It was true wasn't it? But before he could process it further Spencer was crying and Camilo held him tightly in his arms. All he could focus on was the softness of Spencer's curls on his face and the smell of his coconut shampoo.
"I.. I can't let you go." Camilo stammered.
"Then don't." Spencer sniffed.