fragile | clexa

chapter eleven

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It turned out she liked another thing, no matter the voice in her head.

Clarke liked sitting on the horse with her body against Lexa, her legs around the woman's waist and her head buried in Lexa's chest. The animal was slowly, not to hurt her, walking through a forest that Clarke could smell the freshness of although her nose was halfway in the material of Lexa's shirt. It also smelled like some soft, sweet flowers, but that again might've been Lexa.

It took entire three hours of the ride for her mind to give into that all. Apparently, there was a very, very small amount of common sense still buried under all the fights Jaha had put into her head that made her like these things.

It took longer for her mind to also admit she liked the scent of Lexa as well as the forest's. And that she maybe was okay with sharing a horse with her too.

She hadn't expected it to be her. Of course not. Lexa had all right for an own horse and certainly didn't have to share it with a slave. For the first hour or so, all Clarke had been able to think about was how she was the reason for the Heda's discomfort all over again. Then, slowly, she had been able to relax a tiny bit, figuring it wouldn't change anything whether or not she was stressing out about it.

God, her mind was really tired of that. Clarke usually didn't 'think'. That wasn't part of her job.

It probably also wasn't part of her job to be leaned against the Heda's body for an entire day of travel.

She liked the scent of flowers. She hadn't ever thought that the Heda would smell of them. Maybe it was rose or water lily, but any way, it was such a gentle scent that Clarke couldn't imagine Lexa's skin being covered in blood all the while smelling so sweet.

After the fourth hour of the ride, Clarke slowly fell asleep. She'd fought it before, because no matter the thoughts that crossed her mind about the Heda's scent or the horse's steady movements, it wasn't like she felt safe, exactly. Or no matter that, it wasn't like she was allowed to just sleep when she wasn't intended to.

That could be punished, different to her just as forbidden thoughts.

But when she drifted off to sleep eventually, her head further nuzzling into Lexa's chest on its own accord, she felt like she was in the bathtub of Lexa's chambers all over again. It might've been Lexa's arms around her and their warmth, Clarke didn't know, but she somehow felt safe enough not to fight sleep.

She woke up feeling panicked, but not as much as usually. Mainly, she couldn't remember her dream. She didn't have a panic attack either, not the obvious kind she'd had too often the last few days and not the suppressed kind she was actually much better at.

It might've been Lexa's body warmth reminding her of the bathtub.

"Clarke?" she heard the woman's voice that moment, for the first time during the entire ride, and she noticed that they weren't rocking back and forth anymore. They weren't on- what was the horse's name again?

She lifted her head, surprised to find it resting in the Heda's lap rather than her chest.

Her heart sped up, her eyes flickering around in slight panic, trying to figure out what had happened. The Heda had noticed she'd fallen asleep? Clarke hadn't moved her head into her lap herself, right? How had they even left the horse?

"Clarke," Lexa said again and without meaning to, Clarke's eyes found Lexa's again instead of the ground. It was like she needed it to know- yeah, what? Why the fuck didn't her eyes listen to her head and stayed on the ground?

"I'm sorry," Clarke said quickly, concentrating her gaze on the grass beneath her. Grass?

"For what?"

"I didn't mean to sleep."

"I'm glad you did. Did you have nightmares?"

"I think so," Clarke answered honestly. She didn't want to talk about them, wasn't even sure what had happened in them.

"Okay," was all Lexa said. "The horses needed a break. I'm sorry to have lied you down on the grass, it seemed the softest spot possible," Lexa informed Clarke and the blonde nodded once.

"Thank you."

Then, she quietly looked down at Lexa's lap. It was inappropriate and she knew it, but she wondered why the woman had let her sleep there. Leaned against a tree herself, just having a slave's head on her thighs for how long? Had Lexa put her head there or had Clarke moved it? Although Lexa must've had power over where Clarke had slept if she had lifted her from the horse, right?

"What are you thinking about?"

"How long have I been out?" Clarke asked, scolding herself for not answering the Heda directly.

"I do not know when you fell asleep, but we've been here for two hours. My guard's horse has problems with its leg, they're trying to fix it right now."

Two hours!?

Clarke couldn't help her head snapping up in disbelief, turning back down instantly just to look back up. God. Why didn't the Heda do anything against Clarke's gazes?

That green would be the end of her.

"Lexa-" Clarke stammered and Lexa lifted a brow.

"Is something wrong with that?"

You only sat here for two hours with someone pressing the blood from your legs and sleeping in your lap, that's fine.

Clarke wanted to ask why, but she kept her tongue, simply shaking her head. She worried if Lexa's legs were stiff. Probably they were.

"Do you want to further rest?" Lexa asked and even though it was tempting, nothing in the world would have brought Clarke to say yes.

"No, thank you."

They waited there in silence until the guards came to inform them the journey could be continued.

The Heda got up, scrunching her nose slightly and moving her legs for a bit before properly standing and Clarke knew Lexa's legs were stiff indeed. She got up on her own legs and her mind left the concern of Lexa's legs to the concern of her own legs, because it seemed that no matter the sleep, they were in the same pain as they had been the morning. They didn't even move properly, her right leg fully protesting her brain's orders.

Her left leg was too weak to make up for it, but somehow she managed to limp.

Three steps.

Just to the next tree.

"Clarke?" Lexa asked worriedly. "What's wrong?"

"Um- just my leg. It's not that bad," Clarke lied.

"Come on, let me help you," Lexa offered and Clarke hated that she was so weak, that she again had to cause the Heda discomfort by taking her outstretched arm.

It wasn't far to the horses, but when they were there, Clarke thought she'd lose her leg right then and there. It hadn't felt like that the day before. Maybe because she'd been on Yelena's pain meds. Maybe because she was using her leg too much.

She knew that Lexa lifted her up on the horse again and someone was speaking, but then she blacked out. That time it wasn't sleep.

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