fragile | clexa

chapter thirty one

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Lexa let Clarke sleep. Of course she did, the rings under the girl's eyes and the stiffness of her leg were Lexa's fault only. They were her responsibility to take care of now too.

Carefully clothing her and tucking her in, Lexa left Clarke to her well-deserved sleep while cleaning Clarke's cane and putting away the food and tea. Once she was done with that, her own limbs were screaming for some rest.

So after checking upon Clarke twice, she crawled under the furs as well and tried to stay awake in case Clarke would need her. It was a useless attempt. An hour after Clarke had fallen asleep, both women were curled up on their respective sides of the bed snoring softly.

-

It took a relatively short while only until Lexa was entirely healthy again, but she did manage to stay clear-headed enough to keep Clarke at rest and feed herself. (No, she didn't notice Clarke sneaking out of bed to put the medicine Lexa was refusing to take into her drinks or meals and yes, that was the reason Lexa was up on her feet again in the matter of a few days)

The swelling around Clarke's leg had lessened and after Lexa was well enough to overlook her, their usual routine of walking lessons and visiting Artigas slowly came back. Lexa was getting noticably restless though.

Clarke knew she had to be back in Polis. She also knew that Lexa had most certainly preferred not to leave at all.

Lexa didn't speak about it, or gave any hints, but Clarke noticed her need to be back in the capital anyway. The way she looked at the horses. Kept asking guards about the current politics. Was a little less focused when she thought Clarke didn't see.

So Clarke tried extra hard of course. When Lexa took her on a ride or even when she cuddled her, Clarke managed not to cry or do anything else stupid like having panic attacks. Her nightmares hadn't exactly gotten less over the past few weeks, but she pretended they had. She did more in her training sessions than she had to, lifted heavier things and walked longer distances. Everything to convince Lexa she didn't need to stay in TonDC, or that she was well enough to do without therapy.

Why Lexa still held her at night, brushing through her hair whispering calming nonsense, Clarke didn't understand. Or why they were still going to old Berta frequently. Lexa even seemed to have picked up on another therapy practice after Clarke was doing so much instead of leaving something else out.

"Lexa?" Clarke asked one evening. Her muscles were sore with the exercise she had forced upon them, but she managed to eat her bread like a normal person anyway.

"Yes?"

"Why are we still here? I'm doing good."

"What do you mean why are we still here?"

"Would you not like to be in Polis instead?" Clarke asked and tried to make the question seem as casual as possible.

"No," Lexa answered. "I like TonDC. I do have to leave for another week or so soon to check up on things quickly, but I'll come back and we'll spend our time here as long as needed. I'm very proud of you Clarke, but you've been pushing yourself a lot lately. You can slow down. We are in no hurry."

Clarke just nodded the sentences along and stayed quiet. Maybe she had misread the situation, or maybe Lexa didn't want to rush her with anything. She didn't know, but she also didn't talk about it again.

-

It was a week after their conversation that Lexa left for Polis.

In that week, she had made sure to restrain Clarke a little in her training sessions and had put long breaks into their routine with time for sufficient naps. Even worse, she had asked Clarke if she was okay in such an... understanding voice, the girl hadn't managed to keep her tears back.