fragile | clexa

chapter sixteen

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Clarke did fall asleep after the bath, but she didn't stay asleep. Her nightmares had her awake again early in the morning.

Lexa was still sleeping by then.

The pain in the blonde's leg had worsened and she wondered how she had never properly recognized the insane amount of agony coming from that limb. Her elbow was better, the pain medications had done their thing quite okay and the surgery had fixed something Clarke hadn't known she needed to have fixed.

The rest of her body hurt. She looked down on herself, past the nightgown Lexa had given her, and she hated how wide it was and how scary her body looked. How had these men survived having her in their bed? She looked like a nightmare. Her skin was too pale and littered with injuries, otherwise only clinging to her bone. Her body had fallen in, her shoulders were too square and her hip bones almost bruised the skin from the inside while her arms were no more than bony sticks.

God. How did Lexa survive having her in her bed? And then around her all day?

Her mind couldn't help it. Images of a 15-year-old came into her mind, having just grown curves and complaining about not fitting into her shirts anymore, blonde hair much healthier and prettier than it probably would ever get again, walking like a normal person.

She rememebered the picture a little girl in the training sessions she had helped with had drawn of her. A quite rough sketch made by a toddler, but a smile so big on her face Clarke knew she'd had it like that. Her mom had always said it, too.

Clarke was sure her face muscles in that area had long died off.

Stop thinking of the person you were, you are an object to please now. Stop thinking of the person you were, you are an object to please now.  Jaha's voice repeated over and over in her head. She had had to write that sentence hundreds of times until her hands had been calloused and recite it until her tongue had been drained of energy.

With the idea of the man's whip right in front of her mind, she forced herself to shut up.

Instead, she told herself to wait until Lexa woke up and then follow whatever instructions the woman had for her that day.

-

Lexa woke up not too late that morning. She ordered breakfast, let Clarke take her medicine and got another clear liquid for her on top of everything.

"Try to eat and then take this," she said. Clarke nibbled at a quarter slice of bread- quite a lot for her stomach- and swallowed whatever that stuff was. Apparently something more to grow fat, but Clarke was sceptical if it'd work.

The sitting position on the table pained her leg even more and Lexa seemed to realize something was wrong by the time they had finished eating. "Just my leg," Clarke answered to her question, hoping not to encourage the Heda to decide to waste more time on Clarke.

"We'll visit the healer again," Lexa said anyway.

The healer ended up visiting them, checking Clarke's leg again and then talking to Lexa in a hushed voice at the side of the room. He left with his little smile and waved at Clarke.

Lexa kneeled down in front of Clarke to be able to look at her properly. "There's a surgery possible, Clarke, but it's a risk. It might relieve your pain or make it worse, because your leg is very fragile. I would only let the best and most experienced healer have a look at it, but it's your call."

Clarke nodded. "I'll do it," she replied, the possibility of the pain gone just too tempting.

"You still have all time to think about it. Would you like to go to Artigas again today?"