fragile | clexa

chapter six

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Lexa came back from her last meeting to Clarke sitting on the floor against the walls of her chambers, a glass of water in hand and head thrown back with her hand on her mouth.

"Hi," she said soflty not to scare the other girl. "How are you?"

Clarke moved her head back, the rest of the pills she had been supposed to take still in the palm of her hand. Her back straightened. "I'm fine."

Lexa nodded, well aware that she had just disturbed the other girl taking her medicine. "Well I'll be in the bathroom if you need me," she said and went to leave Clarke with her task. About ten minutes she came back, armor off and face clean.

She saw Clarke on the floor still and sat down across of her, her back against her bed. She had her elbows resting on her knees as her eyes were trained on Clarke, who was still staring at the floor.

"I thought I might take you to TonDC," said Lexa after while, voice tired after being used all day.

Clarke's face twitched, only shortly but long enough for Lexa to see. The blonde nodded once.

"There are several good healers. Not only physical. I would let you get better with your injuries, the cuts and bruises here and wait until you're safe to travel. If you would like. TonDC is known for the best therapies."

At that, Clarke did allow herself to look up. Jaha was screaming at her to keep her head down and she could basically feel his whip, but she still lifted her head to meet those soft green eyes.

Lexa smiled a little as though rewarding Clarke for looking up.

"Are you uhm- really?" asked Clarke stupidly and Lexa nodded.

"Yeah."

Clarke averted her eyes again. She didn't deserve something like therapy actually. No, she didn't even deserve to sit on the floor of Lexa's chambers having medicine inside of her.

If her master wanted her to be pretty, that was fine. If she should eat because of that, that was fine. Of course it was. It was for her owner.

But Clarke definitely wasn't okay with the thought of being anything other than a slave. She wasn't supposed to. Wasn't that what she'd recited over and over again?

Owner or not, Lexa couldn't just crush that for her.

"You deserve it," added Lexa as if she could see right through Clarke.

The blonde didn't move although she would have liked to. She had never had therapy. She didn't want to. It was easier to follow a few rules and obey than to change something, and wasn't therapy all about change?

Therapy meant to get your own mind in order, didn't it? Absolutely wrong for Clarke, because she wasn't supposed to even have her own mind.

"Speak your thoughts."

"It's very generous of you, thank you."

Lexa frowned. "But you don't want to go," she said, more a statement than a question.

"No, of course I would like to go if you want me to."

Lexa chuckled and shook her head. "That's not how this works. I don't care whether you stay in Polis or not. I just want you to be okay. I would come with you, if I didn't make that clear. No one would even look at you the wrong way. I promise."

Clarke couldn't keep from looking up again. It was as though her body was drawn to look into Lexa's eyes, see the comforting expression in the soft green, all cautions of not being allowed to look into people's eyes thrown aside.

She didn't understand why her mind only needed to process that those eyes poured out sincerity to tell her it was okay to go.

It wasn't okay. She knew that. Therapy was for worthy people and for people with a mind and for people with change.

Why did Lexa have to treat her nicely? It completely made her lose her mind.

"I would like to go if you want me to," she repeated insecurely.

"I don't want you to do anything. You can choose everything, my opinion doesn't even exist. Sleep over it if you'd like, and tell me what you think tomorrow. Does that sound good?"

Clarke nodded. It didn't sound good.

Lexa kept looking at her expectantly.

"Yes," Clarke added and the brunette seemed content.

"You may sleep anywhere you like as long as it's not the floor. My bed, another room, just ask the guards for whatever you need. Food, too. Everything."

"Thank you, that is very generous of you."

Lexa nodded and sighed as she got up. "Good night, Clarke."

-

Lexa was still awake when she heard the furs next to her rustle and someone slide into the bed next to her.

Clarke was behind her, sure the Heda was asleep. Her body lifted and fell in a steady rhythm, soft breathing noises audible. Her chestnut brown hair was messily spread on the furs and the woman's back, leaving a part of her face visible. Lexa's skin was glowing in the moonlight, though it didn't seem very pale.

Clarke thought again that the Heda would sure be a desired person on a slave market. And she still tried to think something else as quickly as possible, having Jaha right in the back of her mind. She would have been killed if she had said that thought about the Heda out loud in front of him. In front of anyone, probably.

She of course didn't think that the woman deserved it or would ever end up there. The Heda was worthy. Just that a lot of people could find her pretty. Maybe they would like her eyes too.

Clarke shook her head. Of course no one would care about eyes.

She turned around as quietly as possible, clutched her stomach, feeling her own ribs against the skin, and tried to find comfort in the candle flickering in front of her. She had loved candles back when she had been a person.

The picture of that past obsession of hers stayed in her mind until she again realized that she wasn't that person anymore. And shouldn't think about her either. Finn had done the right thing by selling her. And she needed to get her shit together around the Heda. Soft eyes didn't make her any more worthy.

No one cared about eyes anyway.

Her vision got blurry after a while, the candle getting replaced by that uncomfortable black. She could practically feel all those hands grabbing for her to drag her into the dream world where they still had access to her body. She could feel it all. Yet there was the physical need to sleep, and with no defense on her side, she let the hands pull her away.

The first man- no, boy- had a smile on his lips and sloppy brown hair falling into his face.

No.

Not that kind of dream again.

Finn and dreams were a bad combination. His hands of course, his arms, his words and a huge mess of black and screams. She hadn't slept an hour and she was already so distressed she didn't know where up and down was anymore.

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ah man it's been a while, sorry for that. Life and school are still pretty much kicking ass and I didn't really have inspiration that much. Though I have a rough idea where I'm taking this now so maybe there's going to be more soon :) votes are much appreciated :)
stay safe and awesome everyone, thanks so much to everyone who's been supporting this so far<3