fragile | clexa

chapter eighteen

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They went to Artigas rather soon the next day, without having had breakfast even, but Clarke obviously couldn't complain much about that. Who would ask for any more when they were treated like she was there?

It turned out, Lexa had brought a blanket to put on the hay and several things for breakfast to serve there. "Do you mind me staying with you a little?"

Clarke shook her head. Of course she didn't.

After Lexa had started eating, Clarke started sucking the juice out of a raspberry after Lexa had taken something for herself and enjoyed the sweet taste exploding on her tongue. It was like the single berry revived long dead taste buds and it made her take another one, and another one, until she was sure she'd eaten an entire handful.

Then she took from the medicine Lexa had placed on her side of the blanket, the clear liquid, Yelena's pills and Yelena's drink for muscles or what it was.

When she had it all downed, she shot Lexa a quick glance and trying not to be rude by taking too much, she secretly stole herself one more raspberry to dissolve the bitter taste of medicine in her mouth.

Then, her physical needs were pretty much fulfilled. The pain in her leg had gone back a lot, which led Clarke to think the surgery had worked out, and it was only the external surgery cut that brought up any agony regarding her leg.

The problem was, with that taste of raspberry lingering on her tongue, her stomach as full as it could be and her eyes on Artigas lying in the sun lazily, she felt that weird sense of calmness again. Calmness that made her want to cry.

She didn't know where her ability had gone to perfectly control panic attacks, tears or any reflexes, but considering Lexas's bloody nose the previous day, the several sweat-drenched nights and her literally crying into her owner's shirt- it had probably left a while ago. That didn't help very much since the more those skills were gone, the more they'd have to be recovered by Jaha.

The thought of Jaha stressed her, but even with stress- which should mean the calmness was gone- she didn't feel less like crying.

She was able to suppress it though. She was able to suppress it until she was sat on the horse's back again, leaned against Lexa.

When Lexa felt Clarke's tears through her shirt, she scooted back on the horse to put distance between Clarke and herself, because what could it be if not the touch?

Clarke's arms that had been draped around the brunette's torso loosely twitched shortly before they weakend in the reflex of keeping Lexa where she was. When it reached Clarke's mind that Lexa had moved back because of the crying, she could've slapped herself.

But the only thing that happened was her crying getting stronger, like she wasn't fucked up enough already, and her eyes went to search Lexa's in panic and shame.

The scared look in the blue of Clarke's eyes was a little too much for Lexa's heart to bear. Her cheeks were gleaming with tears, little red spots formed over the pale skin and her eyes were so glassy between the tears that Lexa thought it would take no more than a blink for them to break.

"Clarke," Lexa spoke softly without really realizing to, her voice a mirror of her confusion and worry about the girl. "What do you want?"

Clarke only seemed further frightened by the quiet question. Lexa probably did the wrong thing again, but she couldn't bear the sight of Clarke like that. She had no idea comfort someone other than hugging the person, so she closed the distance between their bodies again and tried wrapping her arms around the other girl's slim body.