fragile | clexa

chapter fifty seven

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The slaves got the horses, led on by the much stronger warriors walking. Only a few rode to protect the group.

Lexa and Clarke had a horse too, though Lexa lost sight of Clarke after catching an elder woman slipping from the broad back of her horse.

The pure gold that was Clarke wasn't hard to find again, though. Lexa softly dug her heels into the shining black fur of her horse, told it to go faster, to catch up with Clarke.

She'd really have to learn how to paint to keep the view that was Clarke eternal. Sitting on the back of a bright white horse, gold like poured upon her. Everything glowed. The sunlight fell on her through the trees, not even the October leaves able to compete with Clarke's beauty. If anyone told her this was the Light? Lexa would take it as a fact and bow as many times as Clarke would require her to. It was a scene out of that world, a divinity down on Earth.

Only that Clarke, despite her graceful figure, looked more distressed the closer Lexa got. Her fingers had dug themselves bloody at the iron of the leather reins. Her tongue must've tasted of the same because her lip had been chewed open as well. Her foot didn't stop moving restlessly, her leg didn't stop trembling, her eyes were straight ahead and her jaw was tense.

"Hey," Lexa said softly, close enough now that she could take Clarke's hand away from the sharp edge. "Don't hurt yourself."

Clarke's eyes jumped to their joined hands, the blood running over hers. "I'm sorry."

"Talk to me?"

Clarke just shook her head and took her hand back to herself. It almost immediately dug back into the metal by itself.

"Clarke," Lexa said with a little more force, taking Clarke's hand away again. "Don't do this to yourself. You saved so many people today. You saved me."

"What if I ruined their lives? You have to get through the first level of life so you can somewhen become worthy. This is our first level life. You need to follow through with it or you have to start again next life."

"That's not true."

"I murdered my God. What if this isn't the first level, but already the 100th? What if I get thrown back to one for all of this?"

"Clarke. Please. You know you did the right thing. That's why you did it. If you don't think you deserve this, then think if all the others did. All the women here. The children. Do you really think they deserve to be tortured or could this be the way of Jaha to keep you from rebelling, from rising up?"

Clarke nodded slowly. Her hand wrapped around Lexa's fully. "I'm sorry," she managed after a while.

"It's okay. You're okay."

"Seeing Jaha on his knees isn't something my mind can deal with. Our- their religion revolves all around the Light, the God, the Savior. I always assumed it was a male. Why do they worship a woman if they see women as so inferior?"

"I don't know. Cults usually don't make sense. Clarke, can you explain this to me? How and why did you turn up there? How did you have that dress, the mask, how could you walk so much?"

"Nyko's monster pain meds," Clarke explained. "Makes you drowsy but I haven't ever felt so light."

Lexa's eyes narrowed. "You're not taking them again, alright?"

"But look how well I can move. I don't even feel the blood on my hands, there's no pain."

"That's the problem. I don't want you to be in pain but I won't let you develop an addiction either."