fragile | clexa

chapter twelve

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They reached TonDC right after sundown. Clarke only remembered being carried to a bed and falling asleep again. She didn't know why she was so tired.

That night was worse than the nap on the ride, the dream nothing but a mess of hurt and- God, Clarke couldn't even tell what was happening. She woke up with ragged breathing and her hands already clutching the furs around her.

There was nobody there. Clarke didn't know if she liked it or not, but she had apparently been put in a seperate tent as Lexa and she didn't know if there were guards.

She didn't want guards.

There were a few candles around her and Clarke tried to focus on them, tried to calm her breathing and push the panic down. She could do it. She could-

"Clarke?"

Lexa.

Clarke's head whipped around, finding a curtain of canvas pulled back, a table and something Clarke couldn't further find herself to either see or care about behind it. "Lexa," Clarke acknowledged, dipping her head as best as she could on the bed. Her voice was acceptably steady.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes."

No.

"Did you dream bad?"

"Yes."

Lexa nodded and sat on the other side of the bed. So she wasn't alone after all. Maybe that wasn't too bad.

"I uh- let us share a bed for now because I thought it might be what you're used to and more comfortable with but I totally get it if all you need to be is alone for now and have your own tent. Would you like that?"

Clarke shook her head and regretted it the next second. Why did she keep choosing her comfort over the Heda's? It surely wasn't a pleasure for the woman to share a tent with Clarke.

"If that is alright with you," she added quickly.

"Of course it is," Lexa nodded. Then she sat up a little straighter and Clarke wasn't able not to let her eyes flicker up shortly, meeting green ones in the candle light and making it hard to look down again. Her panic had oddly disappeared by then. "I would like to talk to you about the time here?"

Clarke nodded, although not knowing what exactly Lexa meant.

"I brought you here for therapy, you know that. Tomorrow, we'll have a short meeting with a healer that will not only look at your skin injuries but anything internal too. And then we'll shortly meet with our horse again, Artigas. We're going for a short ride tomorrow, does that sound okay?"

"Okay."

"Alright. I know new things are scary and people are scary and I'm scary, but please, if anything is, talk to me or a guard. Can you do that?"

No. How?

"Yes."

Lexa nodded approvingly. "Great. Good night, Clarke."

Clarke didn't sleep until the next morning, maybe nervousness and panic, maybe the fear of sleeping, maybe the way she couldn't stop staring at that candle.

Breakfast went by too quickly. Clarke didn't eat any more than a few blueberries, but she didn't think she could have. Her stomach felt too full and swallowing hurt. She took the medicine Yelena had given her for quicker produce of muscle and fat, whatever herbs should help there, and was glad that Lexa announced the healer was coming to them. She didn't think she could've walked anywhere else that day.

It was an elderly man with a kind smile and a weird beard that came into the tent about half an hour later.

"Hello," he said to her and she thought his voice sounded somehow alike a bird. "You're Clarke?"

She nodded.

During the time he spend squeezing her legs and arms and poking her skin and asking her if she was feeling pain, he kept talking about his birds at home and Clarke wasn't surprised that the healer was practically a human version of his pets.

When he was done, he didn't seem as happy as he had during the session anymore. "Am I to share the results with you or the Heda first?"

Clarke shrugged timidly.

Lexa came in just that moment. "Am I interrupting?" she asked and the healer shook his head.

"No, we are just finishing up."

"Is there anything?"

"Her left arm is fractured at the elbow, which is treatable by surgery. She has deep injuries on her skin that affect her muscles as well. The biggest cut is treated, but it's not only cut injuries that affect both skin and muscle. Signs of bruises that have settled deeply into the skin are shown over her body, from which at least half already seem healed but aren't. There are ointments and medicine that may help the healing process and reduce the pain.
"Then the back of her throat seems quite roughly handled, it should hurt when swallowing and shows signs of prior bleeding. It's a dangerous injury which is treatable nonetheless with medicine, but only if it's applied right and her throat is handled carefully. The bleeding shouldn't start again. She also has a main injury in her right lower leg, but I can't explain it. The bone doesn't seem broken or fractured."

"They took the marrow," Clarke spoke up hesitantly to explain and both Lexa and the healer turned around to her.

"What?"

"I was bought by a man who had a theory on bone marrow I think. He took it from my leg."

The healer nodded. "That seems a fitting explanation. The leg is weak, but it doesn't make walking impossible to properly relearn and build muscle. I believe it's an obstacle but not a risk to hurt it further. Just take everything very slow in that matter."

"Thank you," Lexa said and the healer nodded.

"It was an honor, Heda."

"The surgery for her elbow and the medicines, I would like both available as soon as possible."

Another nod and a bow and then Clarke was sitting on her chair alone with Lexa again.

"Clarke, you will have time to prepare for a possible surgery, okay? I'm very proud of you for talking and doing this, letting him touch you."

There was a feeling in her chest at the words that Clarke couldn't place. Her cheeks colored a soft red, but it was so ridiculous that the Heda would be proud of someone for saying a few words that she tried to push it aside and simply nodded. "I am not afraid of surgeries or anything of that sort," she added.

"That's good. Would you like to rest now?"

Clarke shrugged shortly and hoped it wasn't impolite. She was tired, but when wasn't that the case? She also really wanted to have another ride. Not that she should've wanted anything, but sitting on Artigas another time sounded too tempting.

"Come on, you can rest and I'll arrange the medicine for you. Then the next thing. One after another."

Clarke nodded. "Thank you," she spoke quietly and had trouble getting up from the chair. To the Heda's bed it was five steps. Ten if you counted her size of steps. Maybe fifteen.

Oh. How was she supposed to reach her own side?

Lexa's arm slid around her body and before she knew it, Clarke was supported to the bed so much she barely had to move. God. She had to stop like that feeling. She had to stop like all possible stuff like the smell of damn flow- forests or horse rides.

Jaha wouldn't approve of that either.

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