No Tears | NR

Chapter 37

TW: Death, Suicide

Oświęcim, Poland

Yara closed her eyes. She was alone. And she was dying. Again. She had been in this situation more often than she ever wanted to be. But it never got any easier for her.

When she had died for the first time, she had been in terrible physical pain, but at least she had been certain, that it was going to end soon and that she was finally going to be free. But then, she had woken up on that examination table a long while later to find out that she couldn't die.

After that, each death had gotten worse and worse. The physical pain had been bad most of the time, but at some point, it had moved to the background. Her psychological pain had overshadowed anything else that she had felt in those moments. The certainty that she was going to wake up again was much worse than anything else that she could have felt.

But this time was different. This time, she had a way out. She knew what she had to do and it seemed to be simple enough. But at the same time, it wasn't. It wasn't simple, because this time, she also had something to live for which had never been the case before. Yes, she had had her sister whom she had loved dearly and whom she missed each and every day. They had been close, but she also couldn't help but feel like she had constantly put her sister in danger just by being related to her. Not just that, but she also felt like she had somehow kept her sister from having a happy, fulfilling life, like she had been a drag on her sister's life. She had felt like a heavy rock that kept her younger sibling from flying up and being free. All she had wanted to do, was to remove that weight. But that had been impossible, at least up until now.

It was different with Natasha. There was something about the Avenger that made her feel like maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for her to change, to be better; to become the person she had always wanted to be. She had considered that to be impossible up until recently.

Yara really wasn't sure if it was that fact that Natasha had managed to become the person she was today despite her past or if it was watching the Avenger reconcile with her family and with her past, that changed her mind. But something had changed and it made this decision much harder for Yara.

She wanted to break this vicious cycle that her life had turned into and end this, but she also wanted to see what life still had in store for her.

A cough rippled through Yara's weak body and blood splattered on the floor in front of her. She didn't have the strength to sit up anymore and dropped onto her back.

Her eyes flickered open for a brief moment before they fell shut again and she remembered where she was. Fear coursed through her body. Griebel was going to find her and torture her again. Or she would die. Those were the only two outcomes she could see and she didn't want to go through Griebel's torture ever again. Suddenly, the other option became much more appealing.

Yara slowly pulled out the serum from her pocket and desperately fumbled around with it, trying to unscrew the lid. Her fingers were slippery with blood all over them. It took her a while to open the bottle. A sigh of relief escaped from her mouth when the cap hit the ground and came to a stop after rolling around for a few seconds.

Yara wasn't really sure how she was supposed to take the serum, but she came to the conclusion that it was probably supposed to enter her body through her blood. She barely managed to lift the bottle up, which felt like it weighed much more than it actually did, and brought it up to her shoulder injury. Yara hissed in pain as she used her free arm to pull her shirt aside and expose her injury to the cool air.

She hesitated again, second-guessing herself. Was this right? She didn't know. The argument that was going on between her head and her heart was cut short when she heard footsteps. Someone was running in her direction. She didn't know who it was and she didn't know if they were coming for her, but she couldn't risk it.