No Tears | NR

Chapter 59

Avengers Compound, USA

Equipped with two cups of hot coffee, Yara carefully made her way over from the kitchen to Natasha's room. Lacking a free hand to knock on the door, she was about to kick it when it opened unexpectedly. Natasha stood in the doorway and watched Yara expectantly.

"Hey. Got you coffee." Yara held out one of the mugs which Natasha eyed suspiciously before she took it out of the brunette's hand and walked back into her room leaving the door open. Yara took that as her invitation to follow the Avenger and closed the door behind her. She was awkwardly standing in the middle of Natasha's room and didn't know what to do. Her head was blank as if she had suddenly forgotten any language she had ever learned.

Natasha had made herself busy at her desk and didn't pay Yara any attention.

The brunette broke out of her trance and properly looked at Natasha. She gripped the slightly hot mug in her hands tighter and spoke up. "I think we need to talk."

Her words caused Natasha to look up from her laptop and face Yara. The latter immediately regretted saying anything and broke eye contact with Natasha to look at the floor.

"About yesterday", Yara muttered with a weak voice and scolded herself internally. She was better than this. So she spoke up again, but with a steadier, stronger voice. "I just want to know where you stand."

Natasha looked a little sad. "I am not big on these things."

"What?"

"Relationships", Natasha specified shortly. "Love is for children. That's what I was taught. It's what I always believed." She stopped.

"But?", Yara felt that she hadn't finished yet.

"But", Natasha spoke, dragging out whatever she was about to say, "I have changed since then."

Yara copied the Avenger's sad smile. "So what does that mean?"

Natasha shrugged in response. "Not sure." She followed up with a question of her own. "What about you?"

Yara had thought about how to answer that question all morning and had not come up with anything at all. She opened her mouth to say something and closed it again when she couldn't think of anything to say. She could feel Natasha's gaze on her and took a sip of her coffee to calm herself down, burning her mouth in the process.

"You should know that I have never done this before."

"You mean you've never been with someone?", Natasha inquired carefully. She knew that she needed to tread carefully. Both of them knew that.

Yara just nodded in response.

Natasha wasn't sure if she was surprised by that or not. "Ok", was all she responded with, silently giving Yara the signal to continue.

The brunette kept her eyes on the ground as she spoke. "I thought I was okay being by myself. But the truth is; I wasn't. I never was, Natasha." She didn't dare to look up. "I am -", Yara tried to find the right word. There was only one that came to mind and it was something that she hated to admit. "- scared." It didn't feel right to say that but at the same time, it was right and exactly how she felt. She never admitted to being scared of anything. The reason for that was the same reason why she didn't cry. It was this blockade deep in her sub-conscience that wouldn't let her show any kind of weakness. But this was not a weakness. Admitting that she was scared was no weakness. It required strength. She knew that and still, admitting to it was very hard for her.

The other woman had watched Yara's internal battle with herself and had grown slightly worried. She wished that she could help the brunette but there was nothing she could do. This, Yara would have to overcome herself. And she did.

"I am scared, Natasha", the brunette repeated with more confidence. "I don't want to let you down. I don't want to hurt you."

"Yara, listen to me. It's okay. Все будет хорошо. It will be okay", Natasha assured her. "I am not a little girl. I can take care of myself. You won't hurt me. ты слышишь меня? You won't hurt me."

Yara finally looked up at Natasha who continued keeping a close eye on her. "I don't want to hold you back." At this point, she realized that it sounded like she was just making up excuses. Maybe she was. She wasn't sure.

Natasha didn't reply. She knew that there was more. There was something that was keeping the brunette from her. She had a feeling that she knew what it was and she needed Yara to admit it if not to her then at least to herself.

Both of them were silent for a brief moment. They kept their eyes trained on each other until Yara averted her gaze and looked down at the floor again.

"I'm scared to lose you." There it was. That was really the core of her fear. She didn't know how she would be able to live without Natasha. It sounded selfish in her opinion and she felt ashamed for admitting it but it was the truth. She didn't want to lose Natasha.

"Hey." A hand touched her chin and softly pushed it up until she made eye contact with Natasha. The Avenger had gotten up and made her way over to Yara without the brunette noticing it.

"You are fine. We will be fine. I am here. I am not dead yet."

Natasha could have sworn that Yara had smiled for the briefest of moments at her words.

"You are allowed to have feelings and want things for yourself. You are allowed to be happy."

Both of the women hadn't known much of that in their lives and the last year had not really given many opportunities to feel happy. Neither of them really believed that they could ever really be happy, but they wished for it. One day, maybe, in the distant future, when they had gotten everyone back, no matter how impossible it seemed at the moment, just maybe they could find true happiness. For now, this would have to do, whatever this was.

Yara set her mug down on the floor, which was probably not a good idea, and pulled the other woman into a hug. They didn't speak. They didn't need to. Everything that needed to be said had been said. At the moment, all they needed was each other's presence, no matter how cliche it may sound.

AN:

Another short one but at least this one is on time.

I have recently been playing with another idea. I am thinking about doing a story with Maria Hill. (Might have to do with the fact that I have been binging How I Met Your Mother.) Anyway, I would be happy to know if anyone would be interested in that. I would only start posting that once I am done or at least nearly done with this, since I barely have enough time for this story.

Let me know what you guys think about that.