PAIN AND PLEASURE |KIM TAEHYUNG

51. I won't leave you again

Taehyung stood near the door holding his breath. His own body felt so cold to him. He inhaled deeply before pushing the wooden material.

The room was dim. A shining ray of moon reflecting from the glass wall was radiating in the room. His feet didn't stop as he knew where exactly you were. He stopped when his eyes fell on you, sitting on the wooden porch in the balcony. Your eyes were sticked up at the vivid sky. Staring at the moon.

The wind was flowing cold, The white rose just shattered its petal on the balcony floor with a gust of wind.

He reached to you and feeling his presence you moved your heavy eyes to him. His eyes were glittering in the moonlight, always so beautiful. You shifted slightly as he took a sit beside you.

Just 2 minutes passed and you felt like suffocating within yourself as you waited for him to say something, to start a conversation from anywhere, so you could talk to him, say what was inside you, what was eating you out.

You had so many thing to say and so many thing to explain to him but from where, from where to start. This question always engulfed you. Whereas Taehyung was numbed to say anything, so numbed from inside that it would take something so warm to reach to his heart to soothe the pain and that was only you.

He was just staring at you, whose eyes were stuck up at the sky. After knowing everything, your past, your pain, your struggle without him, he himself didn't know from where to start, from where?

The tension in the air rised with each passing second and thus your suffocating too. Releasing a sharp breath in the air, you stood up to leave. As you took your feet ahead you felt Taehyung's hand gripping your wrist. You met his eyes. "I am feeling cold" you answered, what his eyes demanding for.

"I am feeling cold too" Taehyung said pulling you on his lap. He wrapped his hand around you, pulling you more closer to him so you could snuggle in his body. Your body begin to relax as he held you tightly and you felt the urge to bury yourself in his chest, it felt so heavy inside.

"I am okay" you said in mild voice after staying in the same position for a moment. 

"I am not sad, I was just not ready for this sudden news. It was totally unexpected to me" you added, justifying yourself about your action. Taehyung didn't say anything but you felt his fingers sliding carefully gently up on your spine. Slow movement of his finger tips Tapped the bone of your spine as if playing a piano making you so relax against his body. 

"Stop blaming yourself, Yn. Stop hurting yourself, love. You didn't kill our baby, you never hurt anyone" you became stiffen as a board listening to him. Shocked, you drew your head back looking up at him. Your teeth chattered to say so many things at one time but you got your answers as Taehyung said "Jackson told me everything, now I now everything.

Every moment you spend without me, Everysecond you missed me, every pain you gone through, Jackson, your uncle, professor, your family. Now, I know everything Yn"

Your eyes unknowingly welled up listening to him. You bite your lips keep them from quivering and blinked your eyes to get rid of the blur.

"You don't, you don't Taehyung"  you blurted out.

"You don't know what I felt when you leaved me, you don't know what I gone through when my dad said I died for my family, you don't know what I felt when the nurse told me, my baby didn't survive. You don't know how empty i felt when I realized I don't have anyone anymore and how lonely I was. You don't know what I felt when Jackson force me to have sex with him. You don't know what I felt when you first met me after all this year and told me I was using you for my pleasure. You don't know anything Taehyung you don't." your eyes were fixed with his as you blurted every word so patiently willing yourself to not burst in tears. You sucked a breath controlling yourself.

"And even after all this you don't know how I lived everyday with fear that you would leave me again." You felt the warm water travelling down your cheek as your eyes unable to hold all those emotions that filled your eyes. 

A shaky breath followed your lips and those two eyes become a tearing mess. You started hitting his chest with your small curled up hand. Still on his lap "Why you didn't stop. I was calling your name. I went back to find you, why did you leaved" sobbing, shaking you hit his broad chest continuously while tears freely ran down on your cheeks. Taehyung stay still like a statute staring deep in your eyes. He knew, It was the packed emotions that was whirling inside you, exhausting you from more than 4 years, killing you draining you.

How you were living with the fear that he would leave you again and more hiding your own emotions from him. 

His palm gently grabbed your wrist but you didn't stop hitting him with your another hand until he took your hand near his mouth and dropped his plump lips in your palm. His warm breath brushed against your skin.

"I won't leave you again, I am here with you, I will always be with you" Taehyung whispered sucking in a breath controlling his tears that was radiating in his eyes for you. his words make you stop your movement.

You raised your head to meet his soft gaze, so soft. He delightfully cupped your cheek wiping the tears.

"I didn't kill our child" your lip shook involuntary as you said this.

"You didn't" Taehyung said stroking your cheek. Both eyes melting in each other.

"I never cheated on you"

"You never cheated on me" he repeated holding you with his loving, caring gaze. 

"I only have loved you"

"I know"  

"I missed you so much, you can't imagine how much" as you end your sentence, taehyung pulled you in a tight hug. "Maybe, I know how much" Taehyung said dropping his chin on your head.
You shook violently, shattering in his arms. He intertwined your hand with his "You don't have to hide yourself from me, you don't have to be scared of anything, anymore, Yn" he tighten the grip around your fingers "Promise me, from now on, you won't hide anything from me" You nodded sticking your head to his chest. Taehyung gently kissed your forehead kissed your temple caressing your hair with his another hand. You stay silent just unspoken tears streamed down your cheek.

"You are right, I don't know and can't even imagine the pain you have gone through but tell me every detail about every day in which I was not there with you. Tell me about every pain you went through, all alone where you needed me to listen to you, help you, protect you, stand for you but I was not even present there. Tell me every detail yn, I will listen everything. Again and again repeat the same thing every night everyday until you feel the past is not haunting you anymore until you feel the pain is not stinging your heart your mind your soul." Those words reached to your ears like painkiller. You snaked your hand around Taehyung waist more tightly. Taehyung closed his eyes inhaling deeply, his lips curve a little upward pulling you more against his body. You closed your eyes and felt how you feel so relax under his soothing touch. he asked "are you still feeling cold?"

"Not anymore" you mumbled

"I want to stay in your arms for forever."

"I want you to stay in my arms for forever" taehyung whispered, setting your legs more comfortably on his lap and you both stay there for a longer time.
Resting your head on his broad shoulder. Free from all the worries of your life. Your heart felt weightless and feeling of serenity filled inside you. There was not any boundaries of misunderstanding standing between both of you. Everything was raw pure real. Now you didn't have to hide your own self from Taehyung. You always thought how hard it would be to talk about your past to Taehyung but with right person everything became so easy. He makes everything so easy for you.

🌼 To all my lovely readers thank you so much for waiting, I know you all have waited so much, So, so much is also waiting for you in the next chapters. 🌼

Thank you so much for still being with this story. I love you all and happy new year❤️, I am too late for this to and believe me I am still not ready to start 2023 😅. It came so soon.

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