History

Chapter 16 - As i'll ever be

It had been a week since Bucky had left, and Lily was doing her best to continue life as normal but she was struggling.
She stared intently at the computer screen in front of her, but she wasn't seeing anything other than the images of Bucky as her memories of him replayed over and over again in her mind.

"What are the numbers looking like your side Lils?" Bruce peered over his glasses at her, her eyes were glassy and she continued to stare in to space as she had been doing so often for the last week "Lils?" He placed a concerned hand on her shoulder, pulling her out of her train of thought.

She blinked, looking up at him "hmm? Sorry Bruce, what did you say?"

"Lils, you know I'm not good at this stuff, but you're really worrying me. What's going on?"

"I'm fine Bruce, honestly" she smiled weakly

"Is it Bucky?" Bruce knew he was right when he saw Lily's smile fade and her gaze drop to the floor. "Steve told me he's gone away for a while, and I know you guys were um.. close" he shifted uncomfortably

"It's fine Bruce, we don't have to talk about it. I know it makes you uncomfortable"

Bruce sighed heavily and pulled up a stool, sitting down next to her "but you're clearly upset Lils, maybe talking about it will help? What happened between the two of you?"

"There's nothing to talk about Bruce. I bared my heart and soul to him and he left without saying goodbye. I don't know where he is, why he left, or how long he's going to be gone for. For all I know he will never come back."

"Why don't you reach out and ask him?"

"He doesn't want me to contact him Bruce, whatever we had.. I think it's over" she quietly wiped away the tears streaming down her face as Bruce gently stroked circles on her back.

"Do you want to call it a day? Maybe go out and get some lunch with me?"

"Thanks Bruce, but I think I'm just gonna go back to my room and lay down for a while. You should take Nat out for lunch though. We've been working none stop all week, I think she's been missing you"

"Are you sure sweetheart?" He watched her carefully as she headed towards the door

"Yeah" she smiled sadly "at least one of us should be in a happy relationship"

Back in her room Lily was curled up in a ball in the middle of her bed, crying in to Bucky's shirt that was balled up in her hands. There was a gentle knock on her door and she scrambled to wipe her face. "Come in" she called out, sitting up.

Steve pushed the door open and cautiously popped his head round "hey, I went looking for you at the lab and you weren't there. Thought I'd see how you're doing?"

"Bruce has gone out for lunch with Nat" she mumbled, avoiding the question she didn't know how to answer.

"Does.. does that help?" He asked pointing at the tear soaked ball of fabric in her lap

"Kind of" she shrugged "it hasn't smelled like him for months and I'm pretty sure I've worn it more than he has at this point, but it's just comforting having something of his you know?"

Steve nodded understandingly "give me a minute." He disappeared for a moment, leaving Lily sat confused waiting for him to come back. He walked back in carrying an armful of black T-shirts

"Steve..what the?"

He smiled gently at her, setting them down on the bed "He left a lot of clothes behind, and I swear he buys these T-shirts in bulk so there is more if you need them." Handing her one of Bucky's clean T-shirts he took the crumpled one out of her hands "maybe we'll wash this snot rag huh?"