Belated Fate (Elizabeth Olsen x Fem!Reader)

Chapter 10. I can't do this anymore

Y/n's POV:

Back at the hall, I begin to realize what I just did. I had absolutely no right to attack her like that. I feel that her green orbs are burning through me, but I don't dare to look into her eyes, so I continue avoiding them at all cost. What the hell is wrong with me? She deserves so much better than that and I'll probably have to try really hard to make it up to her.

However, I understand why it's happening to me. I'm starting to care about her a lot more than I intended. The realization that I'm obviously less important to her than she's to me, that I can't openly tell her what I really think about her without sounding weird, the fact that she belongs to another person hit me more painfully each time.

I don't want to think about her, I didn't want to make her an important part of my life and give her a separate place in my head, but how can I resist my inexplicable attraction to her? How can I force myself to get rid of intrusive thoughts, desires and fantasies? I definitely need to do something about it before it's too late. Olivia is absolutely right: otherwise I will end up with a broken heart and an unstable mental state.

"Y/n?" A push on the shoulder brings me back to reality.

"Yeah?" I can see from Olivia's look that she noticed I zoned out, but I mentally ask her not to mention this and fortunately she understands everything.

"Are you ordering dessert?"

"Uh, yes, I'll have chocolate fondant."  I still haven't had a courage to look up at Elizabeth and at the moment I have no idea what to do next. Suddenly my concern about Danny faded into the background, and now all I have in my head is how I can explain everything to Elizabeth later without breaking down and letting all my thoughts out.

I spent the next hour trying to fit into the conversation and not look like an introverted wallflower with social anxiety. In fact, sometimes I actually found it funny and threw my pretense aside.

"Yeah, I don't believe you got five strikes in a row. How about testing your bowling skills on Saturday, hmm?" Danny asked looking at Liv after her story.

"Sounds like a challenge, but I won't go without my bestie. Y/n, are you with me? Let's kick their asses!" Bowling?  Do you seriously want me to pay later for damage to property because of my crooked hands?

"Liv, you know that I'm not a fan of it, don't you remember what happened last time?"

"Oh come ooon," she makes puppy eyes, "this time's gonna be better, I promise!"

"Yes, Y/n, or are you afraid to lose?"  Elizabeth's voice makes me turn in her direction and this is the first time in a couple of hours when I finally looked into her eyes, meeting her challenging gaze.

"I'm not afraid of anything. Saturday then, deal" I say, looking at Danny, not being able to hold eye contact with the woman.

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Avoiding her. This is exactly the path that I chose for myself for all the remaining days until the end of the working week. I couldn't find the right moment or words to explain myself to El and she didn't seem particularly interested in it. Apparently, as usual, I ruined everything with my uncontrolled outbursts of unwanted emotions.

I'm in my office this Friday night finishing some paperwork. In an unsuccessful attempt to focus on my report, my brain, as usual, begins to play back moments from my past, pointing out to me my own mistakes.

"Y/n, please, I ask you to understand that I can't sacrifice everything I have for our relationship right now." Taylor's sad eyes only exacerbate my already broken state. I'm too intrusive and not good enough for her to put me in the first place in her life. She has too much to lose.