Belated Fate (Elizabeth Olsen x Fem!Reader)

Chapter 21. Accepting the fate

Y/n's POV:

I had to spend a whole night on a yacht in my cabin, thoroughly soaking my poor pillow, which was drowning out my endless stream of tears for several hours straight. Even my previous breakup didn't hurt me as much as spending five minutes with someone I wasn't even in a relationship with.

It's completely my fault. I allowed myself to succumb to the call of my heart, which longed for something unreachable for me, the woman who is beyond everything. I allowed myself to enjoy every minute spent with her as we shared small chuckles, big laughs and moments of comfortable silence.

The thought that I could fall in love with her that very moment when I saw her in the elevator that day and all this time deny the obvious fact, covering pure feelings with fleeting sympathy, doesn't give me any rest. Remembering me throwing unconscious glances in her direction, my rapid breathing next to her, the slightest feeling of envy towards Boyd, only makes me more convinced of my assumption. Only love can affect you like this.

Elizabeth Olsen captured my heart from the minute she walked into that ill-fated elevator and linked her gaze with mine, deliciously rolling my name on her tongue. Her special attitude towards me left no chance for my naive feelings not to find their home in a genuine attraction to the woman.

I could have explained to her right there why I made this choice, but my uncertainty that I could be with her for a few more minutes without surrendering to her embrace made me turn around and run away. Although I'm not as selfish asshole as I may seem.

I'm mature enough to respect her desire to remain private and to be ready to sacrifice our ability to be in an open relationship. But not along with the fact that she will be married to another person and I will have to be content with the role of paramour, even without the opportunity to have a proper life with her.

Elizabeth wants to live a double life, showing the public a fake image of an exemplary wife and being herself only with me. She is ready to lie to everyone including herself, her parents, husband and friends, she is ready to become a cheater by violating her own moral principles just to be able to periodically spend time with me. And I will never let her do this to her beautiful personality, turning it into a worthless piece of dirt because she didn't find enough strength to refuse one temptation.

It was probably one of the few times when my own fear saved me from a possible deep emotional wound. Although currently the pain almost tears me apart, creating a strong desire to simply cease to exist so as not to feel anything, I believe that in time I will be healed. Right now my only task is finding a safe way to do that.

I almost don't remember how the whole next day went, because I lived it as if in a fog, not fully perceiving the real world, wandering through my inner labyrinth from various thoughts. It even crossed my mind a couple of times that I should drop everything, quit the company and move away, but the fact that I have neither the skills nor the chances of getting an equally good job somewhere else immediately erased this desire. In addition to this, it would be difficult for me to leave my family and friends here and live in a strange city completely alone.

By the evening, I already began to come back to my senses and fully realize what was happening to me. Firstly, tomorrow I have to go to work again, because I don't want to let my parents down with my irresponsibility, and secondly, I understand that I won't be able to avoid Elizabeth for the rest of my life and now I have to figure out how to build at least normal business relations with her.

Once again wearing myself out with my thoughts, which has already become a habit since this woman appeared in my life, I finally allow my body and mind to fall asleep at around 2 a.m.

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I don't think I've ever felt so exhausted and unwilling to do absolutely anything in my life. Sitting in my office and bringing what I think is my third cup of coffee today to my mouth, I replay in my head a dream that has tormented me all night.