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Chapter 28

"I'll be right back to take your order."

Bucky smiled up at the waitress, she couldn't have been older than twenty and blushed whenever he spoke. Jo had been quiet since the boutique. Only saying goodbye to Maggie after she insisted on giving them a 'lovers' discount for the yellow dress because of how much she had adored them. Bucky could tell she was stuck in her head, practically watching the wheels turn in the hazel of her eyes whenever they happened to catch his. They decided to make their way to a small café before heading to the grocery store.

He watched as Jo flipped through the pages of the menu, brows furrowed as she tried everything to focus solely on the menu and not the six-foot two super soldier boring his crystal blue eyes into her, trying to figure out what she was thinking. Bucky tore his eyes from her, glancing down at his menu. The café was quaint, with a few tables outside on the sidewalk against the window. Jo asked for one inside after feeling a cold blast of air conditioning. He was thankful and knew she could see his Henley sticking to him more than before.

His eyes scanned the pages, narrowing it down to the Jambon-Beurre. Bucky folded his menu and placed it down as he leaned back into the chair, folding his hands in his lap, watching her.

"Stop it." She said, her eyes never leaving the pages.

His tongue flicked over his bottom lip, "Stop what?"

"Trying to read my mind."

He chuckled softly, realizing he'd been caught. "You wanna talk about whatever's got you so quiet?" Her fingers began drumming on the edges of the menu. He could see her gnawing on the inside of her lip. "Jo..." He says softly, leaning forward. Metal fingers gently resting over her nervous drummers.

Jo's gaze meets his and he sees it. Everything she's had bottled up for seventy years, brewing in her waterline. Golden eyes pleading for a quiet surrender as they stare back at his. He decides not to press as a quiet "no" leaves her lips. Now isn't the time. He doesn't know how this conversation would end and the last thing he wants is to say the wrong thing.

Of course, he loves Jo. He wants a future with her. Hell, she is his future. Though, a part of him still struggles with whether or not he even deserves it. Why should he deserve any fraction of happiness when he's caused so much pain? It's a ridiculous thought. Bucky Barnes deserves the chance at the life he dreamed of. He tells himself knowing deep down there's a huge 'but'. He still runs to every fight as if his body craves it. He's a soldier, deep down he's always been that. So whatever fight, whatever war that needs him, he'll go. Bucky doesn't want to pull her into a life of worrying whenever he has to leave, and he doesn't want to have to question her safety when he does. His double-edged sword that no matter which way he falls, they both end up hurt. It feels like he's talking himself out of it. Out of that chance.

They eat their food in silence. Tension crowding the table. Bucky leaves a generous tip for their waitress and leads Jo toward the grocery store. She shops, quietly and though he doesn't usually mind the silence, from her its unbearable. He watches as she grabs ingredients, smelling fresh bundles of basil, testing the firmness of tomatoes. All the while, her concentration only on the produce in front of her. He tuts around behind her, careful not to crowd her.