Fourty two

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"Love…" One day, Mark wakes me up from deep sleep and kisses my forehead before letting me sit straight. "Wake up for a bit…"

"A-Ah." I groan, voice strained. I got tired from what we did last night and so I can't even think straight right now. All I want is sleep. "Why?"

"Sleepy?" Mark hums while softly patting my back. "I have something to give you."

"Pregnancy test, again?" I huff.

I mean, after months of trying to conceive one, making love every other night or like… every night, he became more encouraged and excited that's why he always gives me pregnancy test so we can check if we already have one.

"I don't even have the signs!" I pout on his neck and hug him.

I'm not mad at Mark for being like this. I understand him because I do want to have children just as much as he does. But I get sad everytime I look at the stick and only find one straight line on it, never two.

"You puked yesterday…" Mark argues.

"I was drunk the night before!" I groan. "Ugh! I love you so much, that's why I'm checking again, alright?"

"Okay…" Like a child, he giggled and tapped my bottom. "I'll come with you—"

"No!" Sitting up and grabbing the three pregnancy tests, I disagree. "You stay here."

"O-Okay… Whatever you want." He shrugged and smiled at me. "I love you, Lee Donghyuck."

"Love you…" I hum and walk with heavy limbs towards the bathroom. I started checking by pissing on it and waiting for a couple of minutes.

The last time that Mark gave me something like this was a week ago and the result was obviously negative. The first time we tried this was a month ago and from then on, we tried this for six times already. All, negative.

Everytime Mark sees it though, he doesn't feel sad nor discouraged. Instead he just tells me that it's okay, we can try again and that we have all the time in this world to try and make one.

But I won't deny the feeling of being so sad about it. I feel some sense of longing for a child and I'm starting to get impatient.

Minutes after, I looked at the white thing on the sink, starting to draw a line. And my heart dropped to my stomach when all of them just had one line on it, each of them.

My tears rolled down in disappointment as I grab all of it and ran to Mark back to bed. His wide smile was replaced with a worried one when I started sobbing.

"L-Love—"

"Still, no?" He smiles sadly. I gave him all the PT's and his loud sighs echoed all around the room.

Mark pulled my waist and let me drop on his lap before gently pushing my hair backwards and kissing my tears away.

"Don't cry, love." He whispers softly, making me even more sad because of how he's acting.

He's so understanding and very patient. It's making me regret my inability to conceive a child for him even though I know we can't do anything but try again.

I can't even give the thing that can make him happy at most.

"Donghyuck…" Mark rubs his thumb over my waist while gulping a load. "My love, look at me…"

"I-I'm sorry…"

"You're not at fault, love." He smiles. "It's not your fault. We can always try again. Don't be so sad about it, love."

"W-What if… I-I really can't bear a child?" I sob, aggressively wiping my tears away then. "I can't give you what you want—"

"Love, stop it… hmm? Don't think like that." He hugs me tight and comforted me with his warmth. "What can I do to make you feel better?"

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