When The Stars Align

Delphinus

Seren's POV

"What?" I asked him, sounding confused.

"Can't you see that I'm trying by best to be close to you again? To make time for you? To make you feel that you're still important to me, that it's still you until now?"

I guess this is really the time for us to talk about it.

"Eoin, I'm not blind. And I'm not stupid either." I answered him.

I can see his efforts. I can see him trying to do everything that he can just to make me feel loved and important. But that's not what I'm asking for.

"Ayun pala e. Pero bakit parang hindi mo napapansin? Is it because of Justice? Seren, if you're focused on someone else, it'll be hard for me to win you back and regain your trust and attention. Gaano ba kahirap para sayo na pakisamahan ako katulad niya? I really want to make things between us work again, Seren. Sana nakikita mo yon."

This is getting into something that I never thought it would.

Alam ko sa sarili ko na nasasaktan siya, pero paano naman ako?

"You want to make things work again? Is that what I heard? Again?" I asked him.

I'm going to burst out. This is killing me.

"Eoin, we never broke up. Nakalimutan mo na ba yon? Isang araw nagising na lang ako, wala ka na. I don't even know where did you go and who are you with. Hindi ko alam kung mamaya lang ba o bukas makalawa babalik ka na. No one, not even our closest friends can answer my questions."

I'm trying hard to keep my tears away. I don't want to cry, but thinking about what happened makes me want to run away and breakdown.

Maybe with that the pain will be gone.

"Seren, you know that I left for a mission, right?"

His expression softened a little bit.

"I know." I nod while trying to smile to let him know that I am aware now why he suddenly left.

But that's not like that.

"Pero nalaman ko na lang nung napahamak ka na and the director told us that you've been hospitalized for weeks. You don't know how much I wanted to go there to check you out, to take care of you. Pero hindi ko magawa, kasi nasaktan din ako e." I said, pushing away my tears with a chuckle.

"I regret not telling you that I'm leaving that night. But a part of me doesn't really want to tell you, because I don't really want to go. I don't want to leave you, but I had to. I had to do that because I don't want you to get hurt."

"I just did." Kibit balikat na sagot ko.

"Seren, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry that you have to get through all of that when I'm away. Pero sana naiintindihan mo rin ako kung bakit kailangan kong gawin yon. Sana alam mo na kapag umalis ako babalik pa rin ako. Because I will always come back just for you."

"I understand. Pero Eoin, hindi lang dalawang araw yon. Hindi dalawang linggo, hindi dalawang buwan. Dalawang taon." I said, almost raising my voice at him. I took a deep breath to stop myself from bursting out.

"Sa loob ng dalawang taon na nawala ka, hindi man lang ba ako naalala? Hindi man lang ba ako sumagi sa isip mo? Hindi mo man lang ba naisipan na kausapin ako para malaman kung maayos ba ako? Kung anong nararamdaman ko?"

"I did. Every time." He answered in a hushed voice.

"Did you do it? Diba hindi? You didn't bother to try. You never tried. You never did."

"I tried. But I stopped myself." Sagot niya at tinignan ko lang siya.

I want to hear it. I want to know why.

"You may think I'm selfish and coward for not telling you and reaching out to you. But you have no idea how much strength that I have to gain just to stop myself from making the same stupid decision. At least try to think about that. Try to understand me, Seren."

I can tell he's in pain, and he's fighting back tears, but what can we do? We have to end this.

"Hanggang ngayon ba naman, ako pa rin ang iintindi? Eoin I just want to remind you, I just woke up one day and you weren't there. And now you're back, with the nerve to ask me, as if it hadn't been two fucking long years."

I can't stop myself now. I'm exploding and no one can't stop nor understand how much pain I am feeling right now.

"Don't you think that's a little unfair for me? Because if someone is going to question me, it is, and the word unfair is understated because you have no idea how difficult it is to go day by day for two years thinking about the person with whom I haven't heard of since he left."

I think we have to let these unspoken feelings go.

This is not going to work out anymore.

"We never broke up, not until now. So no, we're not going to work things out. At least not for me." I said and turned my back from him.

"Seren-"

He stopped me by gently pulling my arm.

"Eoin, I'm leaving." I said.

He's right. Telling someone that you'll be gone is hard, but at least not as hard as being left with no explanation.

"I'm going to do my undertaking and I accepted the mission that Aiden gave me. I just thought you deserve to know. So let's end this here." I said and pulled my arm from him before walking away.

It feels nice to let go of what I'm hardly holding to for years. But do I really want this? Do I really want to let him go? Do I really want to give up on him?

Kung nakaya ko ng dalawang taon na wag sumuko habang wala siya, why can't I do it now? Bakit ngayon pa na nandito na siya?

I wiped my tears as I walk away.

I knew this will damage me from the inside, but I never thought that this will make me feel dead even more. Walking away from him and our relationship.

We were so good. So good that we didn't have a hard time understanding each other. Pero bakit ngayon parang hindi namin kayang intindihin ang isa't-isa? Are we too self-centered that we forgot to understand where the both of us is coming from? Or is this really the time for us to let our almost perfect relationship go?

That hard part is setting aside what we had since we were young. Lumaki kami ng magkasama and I know for a fact that we are going to face something that is really hard to bear.

I can't even imagine myself letting all of our memories go.

But now that I started walking away, I want to ask myself. Do I really want this? Is this really for the better or that's what I want myself and him to believe?

I don't even know.

I don't want to know.

At least not for now.