The Blazing Rebellion

Chapter 23

John POV

As soon as Sera left, John collapsed to his knees, hands shaking. He'd hated turning her away. It had hurt to see her, memories of the many times he'd hurt her rising to the surface, but now that she was gone... He clutched his head as they came back to mind. He was a monster. Sera might not believe it, but he knew it to be true.

He'd never be anything else. He couldn't stand to listen to her telling him it would be all okay when he knew it wouldn't be. She couldn't stop Keon. No one could. John hadn't even been able to do anything except run away once Keon had used his ability. The terrifying thought of going back to readjustment classes had been enough to keep him in shock for several days... apparently, Sera had noticed. She'd even come here with Blyke.

John winced as he remembered the many times he'd hurt the redhead, too. I've hurt everyone here. I'm such a monster. The words sent a shiver through him. He hated this. He hated it so much.

He'd been completely stuck in his own head for the past few days. After running from Keon, he'd watched his memories on replay until he'd finally fallen into a short sleep. When he'd been awoken by a nightmare, he'd found that he had no desire to get up. There was nothing to get up for. Sera was still mad at him, Alban only would continue to push for training if he showed up at school, everyone hated him, and if Keon came back John couldn't take it... He'd given up on trying.

After the first day, John had realized that he did have at least one person on his side. When he'd tried to call his Dad, however, there had been no answer. His Dad hadn't been online for a few days according to his computer. Knowing that he wasn't there to help at the moment for whatever reason had left another gaping hole in John's heart, only succeeding in helping him to fall apart once more.

For a few brief seconds when Sera had showed up here, John had thought that maybe she could help, could fix whatever was wrong with him. He'd wanted to plead with her to do something. However, when she'd asked if he was okay, he'd only been able to lie. I can't get help. I'm not worth it. I'm not worth anything.

He tried to stop the thoughts, but it was impossible. They were just beginning to take over once more when John heard a beeping sound. He looked around and noticed his phone on the bed. It had lit up with a notification. Frowning, John forced himself to stand up and grab it. His hands were still shaky from the memories of Keon... Sera figured it all out, too. For some reason the thought of her knowing everything terrified him. Maybe it was because he knew she could do something to help.

There was a text from her on his screen. He paused before reading it, noting the time. Although it had only felt like minutes since Sera had left, it had already been an hour. At this point he was so lost to himself that time passed by much too quickly... Trying not to think about it, John read the message.

Please come back to school.

He stared at it for a second. There was another grey bubble of text loading. Sera was typing something else. John waited for it to send, unable to pry himself away.

I miss you.

His stomach dropped at this text, his heart throbbing in pain. He missed her too. He missed so many things. He wanted to go back to when they'd been good friends, when he'd been a cripple and kept his past in check. Now it was always hanging over his head, waiting to strike.

John's hand shook harder, his phone falling from his hand. He covered his mouth and held back a sob. Something was very wrong with him. I know I'm a monster, but it didn't always hurt this much... now it was impossible to shake the bad thoughts from his head.

He didn't know how long he stood there, wishing things were different. However, it eventually dawned on him that Sera was right. He had to go back to school. Otherwise, he'd just have to repeat the year, which wouldn't help him at all.

The only problem was that he couldn't go back like this. He wouldn't learn anything in this state. John bit his lip. Maybe I'm just sick and it can be cured. The new doc might have some sort of medicine. He wished that the old doc, the one whom he'd visited every day for almost two years, was still there. He'd gotten so good at making cures for John. He'd known about his past, too. John sighed. Well, the new doc should be fine.

He forced himself to focus on this instead of Keon. He was able to keep most of the memories away by trying to prepare for school once again. Although it was over for today, he could go back tomorrow and get some sort of medicine first thing in the morning.

Sleep came a little easier that night, although it was still riddled with nightmares. When he looked into the mirror the next morning, he winced. John still looked somewhat dead... he sighed. Well this definitely won't help people to think I'm less scary. Now I really look like the old doc.

He forced himself to put on his school uniform, pick up his backpack, gel his hair (although he did less than usual) and leave his dorm room. He could feel the other student's stares in the hallway, but forced himself to move faster. Just get to the infirmary. Just get the thoughts to stop.

John walked faster as more and more students entered the building. School would be starting pretty soon... I should've gotten here earlier. He sighed. There was nothing to be done about it now.

He couldn't block out the whispers, though. They reflected the same things he'd thought. For some reason, he'd been hoping that maybe he'd been wrong. However, just as he'd known, the people here did hate him... they either whispered in fear at his return or were simply mad he wasn't gone for good.

Speeding up, John finally reached the infirmary. He sighed in relief.

Now he could finally fix things.